The National Steel Inquirer Vol 69. Some like it Red, Hot and Blue!

(Exclusive photo courtesty of Loiters
news wired service.)
Red Hot Blue Sister "Chrissie Leighton"
Cross-Dressing over to the over side
with saxophone/harmonicist "Jim King"

Dear Blues-2-Don'ts
My husband is gay and is a drummer
in a blues band. How can this be?
Since Gay and Blues are antonyms, isn't
that an Oxymoron? Do you or your
readers have any advice for me.

Lonely in Lynnwood

Dear Lonely in Lynnwood.
Your first clue is your husband is a drummer.
He has had a life long oral-phallic fixation
since early childhood. For him drumming
is a form of repressed masterbation resulting
in the obcessive-complusive banging of objects
with wooden phallic cymbals and
his attraction to objects that are blown such
as a harmonica or saxophone.
1. You should stop buying him soap on the rope.
2. Get rid of his Nick Vigarino CD's
3. Check his dresser draw for body building mags!
Good Luck,
BTDS















More postings on this topic from our readers:

"You Don't Know Me That Well"

Confessions of a Doorman

Blues -2-Don'ts
The Blues blog for the
D-ranged Blues-a-holic
Volume (CXIX)

Confessions of a Doorman….

Back in 1993, I was playing bass with
one of my long time main-stay bands, favorite
guitar players and friend the late great Dave Conant
and his band The D-rangers. We were playing a hot
new blues club in Belltown , that was hiring a lot
of local blues bands, the ill-fated “ Fabulous Mr.
Blues Club”. Dave had gotten this gig playing a
double Bill with a great & very humorous
Canadian blues band “The Down Child Blues Band."
The billing on the poster sounded like a plug for a mental
institution: “The D-rangers and The Down Child Blues Band.”
The gig was a lot of fun and the craziest part of this gig
was a bar server named aptly Suzanne Bourbon.
Man oh Manochevitz she caught my eye and her name
rolled off her lips like sweet orange blossom honey
when she introduced herself. An affectionate lady of
major proportions I knew at once that I needed to
sip the sweet tea of her mind.
Ms. Bourbon liked to explore the physical aspects
of communication like touch, taste and sensuality
in public places. Commonly referred to as PDA’s
public displays of affection in her case it was
pubic displays of affection and attention.
Having recently suffered from a lack of attention
deficit disorder I certainly appreciated her affections.
We became friends that week and started going out on dates.
We kind of went a public tour of various public places.
I like to call it the PDA Tour. We Visited the Gibson House Bar
in the St Regis Hotel bldg in Seattle and tried out a few antique
bar stools. We had a really nice cab ride and
a great elevator ride in the federal bldg that was
a very up-lifting experience.

That following week I had a gig at the Port Townsend
Blues Festival and invited Ms. Bourbon to come spend
the weekend out their at the festival grounds at Fort Worden.
We were waiting to catch a ferry out of Seattle to Bainbridge
and had a couple of hours to kill, so we went for a late lunch
at a great Creole restaurant on 1st Ave. Franglors .
This restaurant had all the real deal New Orleans dishes,
all the ambience of New Orleans and the best
Rhythm and Blues jukebox loaded with an incredible
selection of vintage R & B hits from the Fifties.
After a glass or two of wine & some tunes by
Huey Piano Smith & the Clowns, Ms. Bourbon
grabbed my hand, smiled and led me to the rest room
in the back of the restaurant.. We locked the door and had
sex in the toilet stall for about fifteen minutes.
By the time we got back to our table, the food was cold
and we had to rush to catch the ferry..…..

Epilogue to my Ms. Adventures:
A few months later I had a job working
part time selling advertising for Seattle’s Blues Rag
“The Blues to do’s.” Marlee Walker the publisher and
editor wanted me to solicit an advertisement
from Franglors. Being a Creole restaurant the
advertisement seemed like a logical and easy sale
for their business given the demographic of our reader base.
I enjoyed this Job and was anxious to sell
another Ad and wanted to hand out my new business card.
I felt on top of the world.
Bill “ Have Bass will Travel” Freckleton
Bassist for Dave Conant & The D-rangers.
Sales Representative for “Blues to do’s”
(206) – 282 – 8241
That afternoon I preceded downtown to Franglors,
gave my card to the hostess and asked to speak with
the manager. She went into the kitchen and
a few minutes later the manager/owner comes up to me
looking at my card with a very irritated look on his face.
I said “ Hello I’m Bill Freckl….” He interrupts me,
hands me my card and says “ I don’t need your God Damn card.
I already know who you are, so get hell out of here!!”

Post your Confessions
and keep suffering with the blues.

Catch David Brewer & The Intimidators: He's back Saturday May 13th at the Salmon Bay Eagles in Ballard! Be There or Beware

"The Legend of The Intimidator"
Once upon a time at the end of
the second millinieum around
September 1999, at Travelers II Inn,
one of Seattle's last remaining
Indian Bars/Roadhouses, I had my first
gig with David Brewer.
David hired his long time drummer
K.t."Spiderman" Tuttle and myself
to play a weekly gig at this nepharious
Indian Bar on Aurora Blvd. At the time I
was playing bass with Dave Conant &
the D-Rangers and working as the Doorman
at the Tractor Tavern in Ballard.
A few days prior to my audition/gig, I was
working the door at the Tractor. Just before
closing time a lady friend of mine came in
to visit. She hung out while I closed the bar
and we started drinking whiskey. By 3 A.M.
we were intwined in the throws of lust on
the bar stool. I preceded to pick her up
and place her on one of the metal folding chairs
near the stage. I placed my left hand firmly under
the seat of the chair to squarely plant her 140lb.
frame and my 260lb frame on the center of the chair.
Just as I was ready to Cu....................CRashh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boom!!!!!!!!!Crunch the chair gave way to our thrusts,
and my left finger was pinched between the metal chair
and the floor and all 400Lbs of our drunken asses.
Standing up I noticed my left index finger was bleeding
profusly with a fleshy 2 inch gash to the bone along
the whole lenght of my finger. I went the E.R. and got
22 sitches and a metal finger guard put on my
injured appendage. I was lucky I didn't severe my
finger or any nerves.
With only one day left to my audition/gig with David Brewer
I couldn't cancel my gig as I really wanted to play with him
and my future with him questionable if I canceled.
The Next Day I show up at the bar my main fingering finger
wrapped up like a Burrito Grande. Brewer and K.T. both
looked at me kinda funny like are you okay, can you even play
and cut this gig?????
Well Brewer immediately launched into a fast breakneck
shuffle "Ball Of Twine". That evening I played the longest
one note bass lines, managing to keeping the groove alive
with my finger bleeding and the dressing
unravelled. I must have done alright cause David hired me
to come back the next night.
So began my career as an Intimidator.................

The 19th Annual Seattle Blues-2-Dont's Blues Jack-Ass Awards Show: Behind the Triple Door

Warning:
Blues Fans Don't Try This In Public
or else you too can be a Blues Jack-Ass

Dateline: Seattle
Triple Door NightClub
19th Annual WBS ( What Bull Shit?)Awards

1. Best Band that didn't win last year
but won this year award:
Becki Sue & Her Big Rocking Daddies

2. Best Blues Club that doesn't support the blues
that won last year this year again award:
The Highway $0.99 cent play for door store Blues Club

3. Best Blues Harmonica that won last year
this year again award:
Paul " I don't have any more room on my shelf for more " Green

4. Best and Most Beautiful Blues Writer that
won last year this year again Award
Revered Deb Engelhart

5. Best Blues Photographer that won last year
this year again award:
Phil Chesnut

6. Best blues events that won last year
this year again:
Can for Jams / Mt. Baker Blues Festival

7. Best Blues 12 String Electric Guitar
Tim Sherman/Tom T-Bone Boyle

8. Best Blues Slide Guitar that won before
again award:
Nick "I am going slide on outta here before i get my award, cause
I got hell hounds (bitches in this club) on my trail " Vigarino

A Very special Blues-2-Don't "Blues 2006 Jack Ass Award"

goes To the Imfamous, Beautiful, Seductive, Sensuous,

Sultry, Soulful, Ballot Stuffing Blues Chantuese who was

nominated in every category "The Queen of the Blues"

Madamousielle Mary McPage.

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and keep suffering with the Blues!