The Blues-2-Don'ts Vol 86 Chapter I "Ten Commandments of The Blues"
"THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF THE BLUES"
I. THOU SHALL HAVE NO OTHER BLUES SOCIETIES THAN THE WBS
II. THOU SHALL NOT TAKE THE NAME SLIM IN VAIN
III. THOU SHALT REMEMBER BLUE MONDAY
IV. HONOR THY BLUES PRESIDENT AND BLUES EDITOR
V. THOU SHALL NOT MURDER THE HARMONICA PLAYER
VI. THOU SHALL NOT WEAR ANY CLOTHING OTHER
THAN THRIFT STORE BARGAINS OR ROSS DRESS FOR LESS
VII. THOU SHALL NOT PLAY SHUFFLES IN ANY OTHER KEY THAN E
VIII. THOU SHALL NOT SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT GUITAR PLAYERS
IX. THOU SHALL NOT COVET THE DRUMMERS GIRLFRIEND
X. THOU SHALL NOT LISTEN TO ANY OTHER MUSIC THAN THE BLUES
POST YOUR COMMANDMENT!
posted by Bunny'N'Chair at 4:46 PM
11 Comments:
Thou shall be mocked for actually playing blues. Thou shall be treated like shit. Thou shall tell the world to fuck off.
This black-and-white, follow-the-rules shit is seriously pissing me off these days, which is probably why I'm having such a difficult time adhering to that ever-pesky 11th Commandment. Let's delve into the absurdities of the Original 10:
II. THOU SHALL NOT TAKE THE NAME SLIM IN VAIN. What about Blind, King, and Little? Are they OK to use profanely?
III. THOU SHALT REMEMBER BLUE MONDAY. When did New Order become a blues band?
IV. HONOR THY BLUES PRESIDENT. What if the Blues President has been photographed -- smiling approvingly, mind you -- in the middle of an orgy taking place in the hallowed halls of the Slammin' Bay Eagles?
V. THOU SHALL NOT MURDER THE HARMONICA PLAYER. That's fine under normal circumstances, but what if, say, he shows up at a gig? Should he really be allowed to live?
VII. THOU SHALL NOT PLAY SHUFFLES IN ANY OTHER KEY THAN E. As if blues musicians can actually play in any other key....
VIII. THOU SHALL NOT SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT GUITAR PLAYERS. First off, the rumors are always true. But perhaps more importantly, what the hell else are we going to talk about???
Aphrodite Pantages, says; that big, tiny, little, slim, jr, should about cover it all, and that they are all overused profusely! Especially when it comes to the male genitalia. She also states, do not kill the harmonica player under any circumstances if they one, booked the gig for good money and two, it is a nice place to play with an appreciative audience and, three if he or she brought the PA!!! But, absolutely shoot the useless male or female singer/front person, what have you, for simply that! Being useless, period! Your's truly, and always up for a good time A.P.
I would rather part the Red Head
than part the Red Sea
Thou Shalt kiss the ass of the club owner/booker 'til thou's lips are blue
While it's true you should'nt kill the harmonica "Player," it is OK to get on a step ladder and pee into his or her butt. I just wanted to clear that up.
It's about time somebody got the joke...jeezus, you damn human beans never catch on...Moses started the whole thing on the wrong key--I just didn't think they'd really take Circumcision so seriously! The real tragedy is that my initial Ten Commandment schtick is discovered by the lowest of the low, a goddam Bluesman. I'm God afterall, don't I deserve better than that?
Something is burning. I think I smell Rabbit!
Go Moses Allison
Go into the desert
and repent.
You Smell Burning Bush
Oops, sorry... ran outta lube.
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