Blues-2-Don'ts (Keep Suffering with the Blues!)

Blues-2-Doe'nts: Have ewe goat the blues?

2006-09-26T13:27:00.000-07:00

Nick Vigarino's
"GOAT LIVE IF EWE WANT IT TOUR 2006"
FEATURING THESE GREAT HITS
RECORDED LIVE AT LIVESTOCK 2005
IN STOCKHOLM SWEDEN

Doe'nt ewe want me baby
Ewe light up my life
I goat ewe babe
Ewe can't always get what ewe want
Ewe are so beautiful
I only have eyes for ewe
I goat ewe under my skin
Ewe baby
I've goat ewe
Nobody but ewe
Goat to get ewe into my life
Hey ewe get off of my cloud

Post your favorite goat or animal song!!

He's back: The saga of Randy Loafer and the never ending blues jam

2006-09-16T11:39:00.000-07:00

BLUES-2-DON'TS VOL. 86
THE BLUES BLOG FOR
THE PARANOID BLUES-A-HOLIC

Emergency Blues Alert
Loiters Blues Wired Service
BNN Blues News Network

Dateline: Tacoma, Washington
Luffwaffe SS Blues Society
The artists formerly known as The Randy Loafer Band have
gone through a major organizational shakedown.
Reforming as the RANDY LOAFER YOUTH IN ASIA ORCHESTRA,
Loafer has replaced longtime vocalist Steven Tyler,
guitarist Tim Robbins and Bassist Yoda with
Heather Rugburn(vocals), Davy("HEY HEY I"M A ...") Jones(guitar)
and Dominique "The Singing Nun" (on Bass).
Tyler and Robbins in a eleventh hour decision have enlisted
the help of the prestigious Blues Law Firm Bailey,Green, Powell
and Hodgkin to issue a Trombone Restraining Order against
Mr. Loafer to keep him and his Orchestra 500 ft away from
any Blues Jam In Washington State.
Loafer Corporate Spokesman Billy Stools refused to comment
on these allegations, but he did issue a press release plugging
the upcoming event of the year!
"The Blues Telethon to Memphis"
This event is to raise slush funds to send
Booze Society Favs "Bitchy Sue and Her Beer Belly Daddies"
to the IUDBS (International Universal Diversified Blues Society)
Jam session contest. Contest to be judged by Dale Chihuly,
Ronald McDonald, Richard Simmons and Glen Close

This is Howl'N'Wolfe Blizter reporting for BNN

Blues Booze

2006-09-12T16:19:00.000-07:00

Bloody Guy - Vodka & V8 with a splash of Tobassco Sauce
Albert Collins - Gin and Tonic with a splash of Lime Juice
Muddy Waters - Baileys, Kahlua and Scotch Whisky
Texas Cannonball - Thunderbird Wine and Pink Lemonade
Fats Wallbanger - Vodka, Galliano and OJ
B. B. King - Benedictine & Brandy with a Crown Royal back
Elmore Jamieson - Jamiesons on the rocks
Leadbelly - Jaegermiester with a Tequila back
T-bone Walker - Johnny Walker Black Label straight up
Johnny Lange - Coke-A-Cola and a Cherry
Howl'n Wolfe - Baccardi 151 and Grape Gatorade

Post your favorite blues drink recipe!

Blues Police Academy

2006-09-02T11:44:00.000-07:00

Attention blues fans !
Do you have what it takes
to be a discerning blues critic?
If so, the Washington Blues Society
is recruiting for its fall quarter
BLUES POLICE ACADEMY.

Learn to distinguish a blues song
from other genres of Music.

What constitutes a proper shuffle.

Learn how to dress and enforce
the blues dress code.

Learn how to love the harmonica.

Learn the art of blues photography.

Learn the art of gossip and rumor spreading.

Be an active decision maker in the
selection of bands deemed worthy
of being sanctioned by the WBS

HARMONICAS ON A PLANE

2006-08-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

Imagine your in a 200 foot long
aluminum tube flying with the most
annoying people on earth.
They can play without warning
and they have just been unleashed
30,000 feet in the air!

HARMONICAS ON A PLANE!

HANG ON FOR THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE!

2006-08-04T10:49:00.000-07:00

Dateline: HELLSINKI
Loiters Blues Wired Service
Howl’n Wolfe Blitzer
Reporting for BNN(Blues News Network)
Researchers from the Dept. of Harmonica
Physiobiology at Juan De Fuca U. have
discovered the much debated and highly
controversial BLUES SPOT. Dr. Lotta Topoffalot
working with classic harmonica conditioning
on pubescent chimpanzees, elicited classically
conditioned responses from these young subjects.
Elicited responses occurred when a harmonic major triad
was blown on key the chimpanzees would sing a rendition of
of T-Bone Walker’s Stormy Monday. If the harmonica was off
key the subjects would complain to the lab technicians.
Dr. Topoffalot coined the term Bluesgasm to describe these
elicited responses. Further research is currently being
done on human subjects in various bars and clubs
around the Seattle area.

Blues Haikus

2006-07-30T09:03:00.000-07:00

Never ending set
Too much wanking on stage
Fog means time to stop

Pat Boone of the Blues
Harmonica up your ass
Cry baby wanker

Blues Society
President tally your votes
Make your check out to me

Randy O's ego
Black Lincoln Continental
Chihuly eye patch

Harmonica boy
Dad in scrubs clapping loudly
Show me your strip show

Dobro up your ass
on your bad CD cover
Shirtless himbo porn

Where did your mama
Buy your lime green tie and hat
She got it from me

Drummers get rattled
too many harpist on stage
play in key, you fuck!

Hey big Blues Boss Man
Are you in love with the slideman
Lets see some pictures

Toilet seat cover
Dispenser in the chicks loo
who wrote your name there

Big glass white wine
Annieville's wet piano
Dripping off the keys

Why are you an ass?
Chestnut roasting on a fire
Your photo's are crap

Vacuum cleaner noise
Do you really it's good
go back to your elbows

Goats in your guestbook
What are these comments about
Mystery caprines

PLEASE POST YOUR FAVORITE
HAIKU, LIMMERICK, PROSE
AND KEEP SUFFERRING WITH THE BLUES

Are you constipated with the blues ?

2006-07-01T14:29:00.000-07:00

ON THE ROAD 24/7 ?
TOO BUSY TO EAT WELL ?
THEN YOU NEED TO TRY
NICK VIGARINO'S COLON BLOW

POST YOUR LOG ON MY BLOG!

CLUB FUCK THE BLUES

2006-06-24T05:31:00.000-07:00

THE MYSTERIOUS CAKE ?

THE NERVOUS DRUMMER

KING OF CLUB FUCK THE BLUES
AND HIS NEFERIOUS BAND

THE ELECTRIC REVEREND
PROSTYLIZING THE B-DAY BOY

THE GUEST OF HONOR RECIEVING
HIS REWARDS FROM THE ANGEL OF DEATH
AND THE GRIM REAPER

UNZIPPY AND THE ANGEL OF
LORD HAVE MERCY

The Blues-2-Don'ts Vol 86 Chapter I "Ten Commandments of The Blues"

2006-06-19T16:46:00.000-07:00

"THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF THE BLUES"

I. THOU SHALL HAVE NO OTHER BLUES SOCIETIES THAN THE WBS

II. THOU SHALL NOT TAKE THE NAME SLIM IN VAIN

III. THOU SHALT REMEMBER BLUE MONDAY

IV. HONOR THY BLUES PRESIDENT AND BLUES EDITOR

V. THOU SHALL NOT MURDER THE HARMONICA PLAYER

VI. THOU SHALL NOT WEAR ANY CLOTHING OTHER
THAN THRIFT STORE BARGAINS OR ROSS DRESS FOR LESS

VII. THOU SHALL NOT PLAY SHUFFLES IN ANY OTHER KEY THAN E

VIII. THOU SHALL NOT SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT GUITAR PLAYERS

IX. THOU SHALL NOT COVET THE DRUMMERS GIRLFRIEND

X. THOU SHALL NOT LISTEN TO ANY OTHER MUSIC THAN THE BLUES

POST YOUR COMMANDMENT!

Ancient Drummer Magazine Vol 57 Chris Leighton's B-day Bash with Little Bill at the Salmon Bay Eagles Thursday 6-22-06

2006-06-16T14:45:00.000-07:00

Come on down to Salmon Bay Eagles
this Thursday 8:00 PM and celebrate
Chris Leighton's 57th Birthday Bash
with Little Bill at the musical helm singing
"The Lowdown Dirty Blues" plus a cast
of hundreds as they pay tribute and
roast Seattle's favorite drummer.
Pictured below Chris with one of his
amazing musical contraptions:
THE BLOWVAC 6000

Plus Photos of Rod Cook's 50th B-day
party at eagles June 13th below
( photos courtesy of the BLUESBOSS)

Post your opinions and be there or be square!
Don't forget to Fuck the Blues

Nick Vibrarino's Slide'N'Glide

2006-06-10T18:59:00.000-07:00

Move over Kenny G-String cause the revolutionary
new multi-purpose sound activated vibrating
Nick Vibrarino Slide'N'Glide is available now.
It Comes complete with its very own completely independent
AC/DC power supply that well get the job done at up to
36000 VPM (vibrations per minute) anywhere any time!
Road tested with latest in vibration technology
The Slide'N'Glide will let you play the most down right
raucous, rancid, rancorous slide guitar solos and stimultanously
lets you get your rocks off with Richter scale sized orgasms in all
your favorite keys. A special 500 foot retractable cord lets you
reach out and touch your fans in most any size club and find
those hard to reach erogenous zones.
Order now and receive absolutely free our exciting new
Slim Spincter Vibrating Drum Stool
(batteries not included)

The Great Blues Toilet Tour

2006-06-04T11:38:00.000-07:00

Do you like the smell of stale well whiskey, crack cocaine
wafting from an ammonia crusted dirty urinal stall in a off
level flooded public restroom ? Or how about the sight of
mullets, toothless geezers, two tone blondes stumbling across
the dance floor in their Iron Maiden Ross Dress for Less tank tops?
Well then !#%!**#!*** come out and face your fears and get faced
on some beers. Go to your barber or beauty salon get a mullet.
Overcome your Enumclaustraphobia, Snohomophobia ,
your John Cougar-Mellonoma and get some
Blues Aversion Therapy ( doctor recommended and animal tested ).
Find out what really happened to spinal tap! See real burned-out
musicians burning down the house playing the low down dirty blues
and some kind of Freebird brained rock’n’roll!
Take The Great Blues Toilet Tour, dance, blow chunks to your
favorites bands as they try to make a living in some of the
sleaziest, down right meanest bars in town!
Blues-2-Don’ts recommends these fine establishments to start your
evening out on the right foot.
The Dragon Pearl - Burien
The Corner Inn - West Seattle
The Bit Tavern - Ballard
The Pine Cone Café - Lynnwood
The Oxford Saloon - Snohomish
The China Clipper - Shoreline
Brewskys - White Center
Elmers Pub – Burien
DIAL 911 OR CALL THE KING COUNTY
OR THE SNOHOMISH COUNTY
SHERIFFS DEPT FOR DIRECTIONS.

POST YOUR FAVORITE BLUES TOILET

The National Steel Inquirer Vol 69. Some like it Red, Hot and Blue!

2006-05-23T14:46:00.000-07:00

(Exclusive photo courtesty of Loiters
news wired service.)
Red Hot Blue Sister "Chrissie Leighton"
Cross-Dressing over to the over side
with saxophone/harmonicist "Jim King"

Dear Blues-2-Don'ts
My husband is gay and is a drummer
in a blues band. How can this be?
Since Gay and Blues are antonyms, isn't
that an Oxymoron? Do you or your
readers have any advice for me.

Lonely in Lynnwood

Dear Lonely in Lynnwood.
Your first clue is your husband is a drummer.
He has had a life long oral-phallic fixation
since early childhood. For him drumming
is a form of repressed masterbation resulting
in the obcessive-complusive banging of objects
with wooden phallic cymbals and
his attraction to objects that are blown such
as a harmonica or saxophone.
1. You should stop buying him soap on the rope.
2. Get rid of his Nick Vigarino CD's
3. Check his dresser draw for body building mags!
Good Luck,
BTDS

More postings on this topic from our readers:

"You Don't Know Me That Well"

2006-05-21T16:40:00.000-07:00

Confessions of a Doorman

2006-05-14T18:04:00.000-07:00

Blues -2-Don'ts
The Blues blog for the
D-ranged Blues-a-holic
Volume (CXIX)

Confessions of a Doorman….

Back in 1993, I was playing bass with
one of my long time main-stay bands, favorite
guitar players and friend the late great Dave Conant
and his band The D-rangers. We were playing a hot
new blues club in Belltown , that was hiring a lot
of local blues bands, the ill-fated “ Fabulous Mr.
Blues Club”. Dave had gotten this gig playing a
double Bill with a great & very humorous
Canadian blues band “The Down Child Blues Band."
The billing on the poster sounded like a plug for a mental
institution: “The D-rangers and The Down Child Blues Band.”
The gig was a lot of fun and the craziest part of this gig
was a bar server named aptly Suzanne Bourbon.
Man oh Manochevitz she caught my eye and her name
rolled off her lips like sweet orange blossom honey
when she introduced herself. An affectionate lady of
major proportions I knew at once that I needed to
sip the sweet tea of her mind.
Ms. Bourbon liked to explore the physical aspects
of communication like touch, taste and sensuality
in public places. Commonly referred to as PDA’s
public displays of affection in her case it was
pubic displays of affection and attention.
Having recently suffered from a lack of attention
deficit disorder I certainly appreciated her affections.
We became friends that week and started going out on dates.
We kind of went a public tour of various public places.
I like to call it the PDA Tour. We Visited the Gibson House Bar
in the St Regis Hotel bldg in Seattle and tried out a few antique
bar stools. We had a really nice cab ride and
a great elevator ride in the federal bldg that was
a very up-lifting experience.

That following week I had a gig at the Port Townsend
Blues Festival and invited Ms. Bourbon to come spend
the weekend out their at the festival grounds at Fort Worden.
We were waiting to catch a ferry out of Seattle to Bainbridge
and had a couple of hours to kill, so we went for a late lunch
at a great Creole restaurant on 1st Ave. Franglors .
This restaurant had all the real deal New Orleans dishes,
all the ambience of New Orleans and the best
Rhythm and Blues jukebox loaded with an incredible
selection of vintage R & B hits from the Fifties.
After a glass or two of wine & some tunes by
Huey Piano Smith & the Clowns, Ms. Bourbon
grabbed my hand, smiled and led me to the rest room
in the back of the restaurant.. We locked the door and had
sex in the toilet stall for about fifteen minutes.
By the time we got back to our table, the food was cold
and we had to rush to catch the ferry..…..

Epilogue to my Ms. Adventures:
A few months later I had a job working
part time selling advertising for Seattle’s Blues Rag
“The Blues to do’s.” Marlee Walker the publisher and
editor wanted me to solicit an advertisement
from Franglors. Being a Creole restaurant the
advertisement seemed like a logical and easy sale
for their business given the demographic of our reader base.
I enjoyed this Job and was anxious to sell
another Ad and wanted to hand out my new business card.
I felt on top of the world.
Bill “ Have Bass will Travel” Freckleton
Bassist for Dave Conant & The D-rangers.
Sales Representative for “Blues to do’s”
(206) – 282 – 8241
That afternoon I preceded downtown to Franglors,
gave my card to the hostess and asked to speak with
the manager. She went into the kitchen and
a few minutes later the manager/owner comes up to me
looking at my card with a very irritated look on his face.
I said “ Hello I’m Bill Freckl….” He interrupts me,
hands me my card and says “ I don’t need your God Damn card.
I already know who you are, so get hell out of here!!”

Post your Confessions
and keep suffering with the blues.

Catch David Brewer & The Intimidators: He's back Saturday May 13th at the Salmon Bay Eagles in Ballard! Be There or Beware

2006-05-07T06:59:00.000-07:00

"The Legend of The Intimidator"
Once upon a time at the end of
the second millinieum around
September 1999, at Travelers II Inn,
one of Seattle's last remaining
Indian Bars/Roadhouses, I had my first
gig with David Brewer.
David hired his long time drummer
K.t."Spiderman" Tuttle and myself
to play a weekly gig at this nepharious
Indian Bar on Aurora Blvd. At the time I
was playing bass with Dave Conant &
the D-Rangers and working as the Doorman
at the Tractor Tavern in Ballard.
A few days prior to my audition/gig, I was
working the door at the Tractor. Just before
closing time a lady friend of mine came in
to visit. She hung out while I closed the bar
and we started drinking whiskey. By 3 A.M.
we were intwined in the throws of lust on
the bar stool. I preceded to pick her up
and place her on one of the metal folding chairs
near the stage. I placed my left hand firmly under
the seat of the chair to squarely plant her 140lb.
frame and my 260lb frame on the center of the chair.
Just as I was ready to Cu....................CRashh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boom!!!!!!!!!Crunch the chair gave way to our thrusts,
and my left finger was pinched between the metal chair
and the floor and all 400Lbs of our drunken asses.
Standing up I noticed my left index finger was bleeding
profusly with a fleshy 2 inch gash to the bone along
the whole lenght of my finger. I went the E.R. and got
22 sitches and a metal finger guard put on my
injured appendage. I was lucky I didn't severe my
finger or any nerves.
With only one day left to my audition/gig with David Brewer
I couldn't cancel my gig as I really wanted to play with him
and my future with him questionable if I canceled.
The Next Day I show up at the bar my main fingering finger
wrapped up like a Burrito Grande. Brewer and K.T. both
looked at me kinda funny like are you okay, can you even play
and cut this gig?????
Well Brewer immediately launched into a fast breakneck
shuffle "Ball Of Twine". That evening I played the longest
one note bass lines, managing to keeping the groove alive
with my finger bleeding and the dressing
unravelled. I must have done alright cause David hired me
to come back the next night.
So began my career as an Intimidator.................

The 19th Annual Seattle Blues-2-Dont's Blues Jack-Ass Awards Show: Behind the Triple Door

2006-05-01T18:46:00.000-07:00

Warning:
Blues Fans Don't Try This In Public
or else you too can be a Blues Jack-Ass

Dateline: Seattle
Triple Door NightClub
19th Annual WBS ( What Bull Shit?)Awards

1. Best Band that didn't win last year
but won this year award:
Becki Sue & Her Big Rocking Daddies

2. Best Blues Club that doesn't support the blues
that won last year this year again award:
The Highway $0.99 cent play for door store Blues Club

3. Best Blues Harmonica that won last year
this year again award:
Paul " I don't have any more room on my shelf for more " Green

4. Best and Most Beautiful Blues Writer that
won last year this year again Award
Revered Deb Engelhart

5. Best Blues Photographer that won last year
this year again award:
Phil Chesnut

6. Best blues events that won last year
this year again:
Can for Jams / Mt. Baker Blues Festival

7. Best Blues 12 String Electric Guitar
Tim Sherman/Tom T-Bone Boyle

8. Best Blues Slide Guitar that won before
again award:
Nick "I am going slide on outta here before i get my award, cause
I got hell hounds (bitches in this club) on my trail " Vigarino

A Very special Blues-2-Don't "Blues 2006 Jack Ass Award"

goes To the Imfamous, Beautiful, Seductive, Sensuous,

Sultry, Soulful, Ballot Stuffing Blues Chantuese who was

nominated in every category "The Queen of the Blues"

Madamousielle Mary McPage.

Sign In and post your

Blues Jack-Ass Comments

and keep suffering with the Blues!

Blues Jesus Vs. The Blues Bunny !

2006-04-16T13:25:00.000-07:00

Who is more popular?
Blues Jesus or The Blues Bunny ?

Jesus' Resurection Rock Vs.

The Rolling Stones and

Rolling Rock Beer

Free Easter Chicks

Vs. Free Easter Chicks

Cholo Willsin Vs.

Samson and Delilah

Post your ? Vs. ?

Happy Easter &

Don't Forget to pet your Bunny

"Well Hello Mary Lou Goodbye World " Singer Gene Pitney Dead At 65

2006-04-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

Death notice London, England
United Kingdom Press Association:
040506

American singer Gene Pitney,
known for 1960s hits like "24 Hours from Tulsa,"
has died while on a UK concern tour, his agent said.
Pitney, 65, was found dead just after 10 a.m.
Wednesday (0500 ET) at the Hilton Hotel in Cardiff, Wales.
His agent, Gene Levy, told Reuters Pitney died on Wednesday
morning after given a concert in the Welsh capital the
previous day. There was no immediate word on the cause
of death. Friends said he was in apparent good health
and his death came as a shock. South Wales police said
they had been called to a hotel at 9:50 a.m. on Wednesday
morning and that the death was not being treated as suspicious.

In addition to "24 Hours From Tulsa," Pitney's 40-year career
included such as "It Hurts to Be in Love," "Every Breath I Take,"
"Town Without Pity," "Only Love Can Break a Heart"
and the operatic "I'm Gonna Be Strong." His last U.S. hit was
"She's a Heartbreaker" in 1968.

Pitney rose to fame in the 1960s and was introduced
to a new generation of fansin 1989 when he recorded
"Something's Gotten Hold Of My Heart" as a duet with
Marc Almond, the UK's Press Association reported.
The single gave Pitney his first UK number one --
22 years after its first release, PA added.
He had 11 top 10 hits in the UK including "That Girl
Belongs To Yesterday" and "Looking Thru The Eyes of Love.
The Movie Theme song "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance"
was among his best known.
His songs have been recorded by some of the
world's biggest stars -- "Hello Mary Lou" was released
by Ricky Nelson, "Today's Teardrops" by Roy Orbison,
and "Rubber Ball" by U.S. singer Bobby Vee and
British artist Marty Wilde. He also wrote the No. 1 Crystals hit
"He's a Rebel" He worked with the Rolling Stones and
was credited with helping them find fame in the U.S.,
according to PA. In 2002 he was inducted into the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Blowing Glass And Blowing Goats Double Trouble Photo Issue

2006-03-31T20:00:00.000-08:00

The New SSBA Super Group
Oxford Simmons Chilhuly & Mac
2006 IBA NOMINEES

Crosby (not young) & SlimWhitman

Henry Seagal Blues Band

Annie & Cher (Good Bye Sonny)

Tommy Lee Vigarino

Virginia Tyler ?

Elizabeth Hart

POST YOUR FAVORITE LOOK A-LIKE

Spank you

Baby Spincterino

Frozen Alive in The Blues Vol. II DNA (Drummer's Nucleic Acid)

2006-03-30T20:26:00.000-08:00

Dateline: o33106
D-Tuning China
EGG NEIL YUNGS
CHINESE RESTAURANT
AND RESEARCH LAB

Nefarious and sinister research geneticist
Madame Frau Murnua Priebenhoffer PHD
(pretty heavy drinker) and General Song Sung Blou
of the PBLA (People's Blues Liberation Army)
have been sighted at the Dragon Pearl Cocktail Lounge.
The Evil Madame and her henchman General have
isolated the DNA ( Drummers Nucleic Acid) of the
legendairy stickman "Skippy" and spliced it with
blues Casanova/guitarist Vic Nigarino's VNA. They incubated the
product in a pregnant goat resulting in a Billy Spauldingesque
fetus that was last scene crawling towards a Randy Loafer Jam
in Lynnwood, Washington. Named "Baby Chris Sphincterino"
the young drummer has already established a very dependable
reputation on the tubs and with the Ladies.

Another shocking revelation !!!

The Letter B, Where is the B spot? Blues Fried Rice, BVDs and more

2006-03-27T19:18:00.000-08:00

BLUES-2-DON'TS (VOL. LI)
THE ONLY SEMI-COMATOSE BLUES
BLOG FOR THE TERMINALLY
BRAIN DEAD BLUES-A-HOLIC
"THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON THE BLUES"

BRAIN~~~~~~~~~~_________~~~~__?
LIVER----^-----^^^--------------------------- ?
HEART------------^^^^^^^^^^-------------?
LUNG((((((((((((((((((((((>>>>>...................?

THE UNIVERSITY OF JUAN DEFUCA U.
PSYCHOLOGY TOMORROW
DR. SIR HENRIECH HAMSTER P.H.D.

DISTINGUISHED GUEST PROFFESOR

DR. B. RUTHLESS
TODAY'S LECTURE:
IS IT A BLUES-A-SAURUS?
OR IS IT A BLUES-A-TORIS ?

THE AURORA

UNABRIDGED

TEST EDITION

1. WHERE IS THE "B" SPOT ?
2. WHO IS KENNY G STRING ?
3. WHERE IS THE MARCO POLO MOTEL ?
4. CONSTRUCT A SENTENCE WITH THE WORD BLUE IN IT:
A. AS A NOUN
B. AS A VERB
C. AS A ADJECTIVE
D. AS A ADDITIVE
5. WHAT IS A BLUE POST CARD ?
6. WOULD YOU PLEASE SEND ME ONE ?
7A. WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLUES MUSICIAN
WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND?
7B.WHAT DO CALL A DRUMMERS WIFE?
8. WRITE AN ESSAY USING THE WORDS:
BLUE & BLUES.
THE MOST CREATIVE ONE'S WILL BE
PUBLISHED IN SWEDISH HOSPITAL EROTICA

PLEASE SEND YOUR ANSWERS TO:
Blues -2- Don'ts
C/O Frau Murnua Priebenhoffer
P.O. Box OU812
Concrete, Wa.

THE BLUES-2-DON'TS
IS A PUBLICATION OF
BLUES SCOUTS OF AMERICA
(WE-BE-LOW!)

Their gonna put you in the movies. Buck Owens 76 Passes on 03/25/06

2006-03-25T11:55:00.000-08:00

BUCK OWENS PASSES AWAY 03-25-2006 KUZZ Radio owner
and Country Music Hall of Fame musician Alvis E.
"Buck" Owens died early Saturday morning at his Bakersfield,
CA home. His family says Buck died in his sleep and the cause
of death is not yet known. Buck was born on August 12,
1929 in Sherman, Texas. The son of a sharecropper,
Buck traveled with his family to the Phoenix, Arizona area
in 1937 as they searched for a better life. Eventually, they
traveled to California's San Joaquin Valley, doing farm work.
At a young age Buck vowed that when he grew up, he would
not be poor. He found a way out of his family's poverty
through his musical talent. That talent blossomed after Buck
moved to Bakersfield in 1951.Within months he was a
member of the hottest honky-tonk band in town,
Bill Woods & The Orange Blossom Playboys, who held forth
at the legendary Blackboard night club. He began playing a
Fender Telecaster guitar, which provided a unique new sound
in country music. Soon he was playing for recording sessions
at Capitol Records. His first session as a leader came in 1957,
but the session produced no hits Shortly thereafter, Buck began
his other career, as a broadcaster. He moved to the Tacoma,
Washington suburb of Puyallup and bought part-interest in a
radio station, where he worked as a DJ andad salesman as well
as playing gigs in the area. He also had a live TV showin Tacoma.
Buck's first Top 10 record, "Under Your Spell Again," was released
in 1959. In 1960, he sold his interests in Washington state and
returned to Bakersfield, which was his home until he died.
From 1962 to 1968 Buck released a series of #1 records that
established him as one of the greatest country entertainers
of all time. (from Buck owens Website) 032506

Rock'em Sock'em Blues Blogger Bots. Will the real Henry Cooper please show up?

2006-03-24T12:54:00.000-08:00

THE RUMORS ARE VISCIOUS
THE POSTINGS ARE SCANDALOUS
BLUES-2-DONTS (Vol.52+/- 3db)
The 1st Anniversary Edition

WILL THE REAL HENRY COOPER
Please Show up?
Rumor has it that the Henry Cooper we all
know and have grown up with has had an
extreme blues makeover. Henry was offered
a large undisclosed amount of money and free
plastic surgery. There have numerous sightings all over
town that the Actor Steven Seagal has been hosting jam
sessions in Everett, Tacoma, Chehalis, Bellingham and
Concrete Washington. This in fact is not Steven Seagal
but the real Henry Cooper posing as a Guitar Double for
Steven to promote his new upcoming tour. You be the judge
of this diabolical scam.

Henry Cooper or Steven Seagal

Or is it Henry Seagal !
Henri' Jamming in Tacoma
Seen with Paul Green CEO and
Chairman of PAULGRENS DRUGS & HARMONICAS
Henri' lastest promo photo

Keep suffering with the Blues 032406

From The Desk of the Editor of the Washing Machine Blues Society Post "Saving Rhea's Privates"

2006-03-20T20:35:00.000-08:00

Dateline: Snohomophobia, Wa

REFINING THE BLUES ?

Monday, March 20, 2006

The Blues Communications Commission ( BCC )
is in a tough spot when it comes to enforcing the law
against Blues Music Indecency(BMI).
Determining what crosses the line from acceptable to
indecent and therefore can't be played before 10 p.m.
isn't easy in an increasingly coarse culture. As blues has
become racier and more graphic, the BCC has been deluged
with complaints in recent years, understandably so. Controls
such as the *B-chip can help shield patrons from inappropriate
harmonica blues solos , but they aren't always effective; blues
awards shows, for example, aren't rated in advance.

* B-chip (patent pending) a special hearing device that selectively
filters out annoying frequencies . User friendly/harmonica un-friendly

Last week the BCC once again ventured into this politically,
legally and emotionally charged territory, ruling on complaints
involving nearly 50 Blues bands between February 2002 and
March 2006 and signaling a renewed zeal for in Blues enforcement
under the guidance of new Blues Republican Chairman,
Mr. Slim Spincter.
(Pictured below partying with
his harem on blues society funds.)

http://www.slimspincter.com
The commission upheld a $550,000 fine against
WBS for Kathy Hartless’s infamous "wardrobe malfunction"
in which her breast was exposed during the
2005 WBS AWARDS CEREMONY at a
Seattle Women in the News Show, and it levied
a record $3.6 million fine against the Washington blues society,
the BCC called it a "Blues Sex Orgy".
Some were said to have suffered A Kathy Heart Attack
Kate Hart
http://www.katehartblues.com

One particularly disturbing aspect of the ruling involved
A MIKE LYNCHMOB-produced documentary,
"The Blues Harominica: Fathers and Sons,"
broadcast by BNN in Seattle, Washington.
The documentary included scenes in which Father and Son
Harmonica Tag Teams: SELDOM ZORRO and SGT BARCIA
& MIKE LYNCHMOB with THE JON MARSHALL LAW BAND
played numerous E- Shuffles at the same tempo.
The BCC, citing a previous decision that profanity in
"Saving Rhea’s Privates” a blues-u-mentary
about Blues Societys Royality and their Family Jewels.

" would not subject Blues societies to indecency fines,
noted that in rare contexts, music that is presumptively
profane" will still be allowed "where it is demonstrably essential
to the nature of an artistic or educational work or essential to
informing viewers on matter of pubic importance."

Blues or Pornography?

http://www.nickvigarino.com
http://www.goatbreeding.com
2006 @The Washing Machine
Blues Society Post Company

Blues-2-Donts Special Spring Fever Edition "Blues Mating Season"

2006-03-18T12:53:00.000-08:00

HAVE YOU GOT IT REAL B.A.D.? BLUES AFFECTIVE DISORDER

2006-03-16T15:23:00.000-08:00

BLUES-2-DON’TS
VOLUME 911
THE ONLY SEATTLE BLUES BLOG
FOR THE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED
ADDICTED BLUES-A-HOLIC

ARE YOU BLUE, BORED, BAFFLED,
BALLISTIC, BROKEN, BUSTED ?
ARE YOU ANXIOUS , ALCOHOLIC, ANGRY,
APATHETIC, ANTI SOCIAL ?
ARE YOU DIVORCED, DRUG DEPENDENT,
DEPRESSED, DESPONDENT ?
GOT SOME OTHER MULE
KICKING IT IN YOUR STALL?
DO YOU SPEND ALL YOUR TIME
LISTENING TO TALK RADIO SHOW?

THEN YOU GOT IT B.A.D.

BLUES
AFFECTIVE
DISORDER

WELL THEN LET

CLUB MED CALL

manage your B.A.D. for you. Well get you up on your feet
and back on the street. Are you tired of the same old drugs,
alcohol, cheap motels, casinos, blues society meeting
stale cocktail lounges, hospital emergency rooms, jails
& mental health institutions?

Are you waking up not being able to
remember things, wondering who the
naked person next to you is and why they
have been slobbering all over you during the night?
Has someone you love has found you face down
with your tongue stuck to the concrete.

Have you lost control and can’t manage your bad habits
any more? Well, you don’t have worry about a thing.
Because at CLUB MED-CALL we can manage
all your bad habits and get you back on to
the streets with a new life, attitude and
an improved sense of well being.

YES THERE IS A LIGHT
AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
AND IT’S NOT A SPEEDING TRAIN !

IT IS BLUES RESCUE 911

GUIDING YOUR SPIRIT HOME

Blues-2-Don'ts (Keep Suffering with the Blues!): WANTED BY THE W.B.S. BLUES POLICE THE INFAMOUS STEVEN SEAGAL BLUES BAND W.B.S. AWARD WEINER ?

2006-03-12T09:32:00.000-08:00

Blues-2-Don'ts (Keep Suffering with the Blues!): WANTED BY THE W.B.S. BLUES POLICE THE INFAMOUS STEVEN SEAGAL BLUES BAND W.B.S. AWARD WEINER ?

WANTED BY THE W.B.S. BLUES POLICE THE INFAMOUS STEVEN SEAGAL BLUES BAND W.B.S. AWARD WEINER ?

2006-03-11T12:48:00.000-08:00

Late Breaking Blues News Alert
"The Hard to Kill" Musician &
Level II Blues Blues Offender
Steven Seagal Has Just Broken
Out Of The Seven-ElevenWorth
Federal Blues Detention Center
In The South Sound Area of
Greater Seattle.

This Blues Underdog Was last Scene
Headed To The Law Offices
Of The Famous Blues Attorney
And Legendary WBS President
Ms. Sweet Polly BluesBread
To Get An Emergency Blues Injunction
Filed To Be Listed On The WBS
B.B . Awards Ballot For 2005.

The StevenSeagal Blues Band
will be coming to Seattle
Saturday May 27th 7 P.M.
AT THE TRACTOR TAVERN
TICKETS AT TICKETMASTER
1-800-628-0888

Hey I can play and sing
better than Randy loafer!

Brother Nick Deville Makes His Journey 12-31-1952 - 03-03-2006

2006-03-04T18:16:00.000-08:00

My true friend and drummer Nick deVille made the journey last night,He was a strong man, a gentle soul,a great cook a loyal friend,and one of the best drummers I have ever played with.He was a good band mate,always on time , always cheerful and a hard worker.I'm gonna miss him He was and will remain a member of the Intimidators. Nick played the drums all over the world, most notably for a long time with the late Albert King. I was proud to know him! and oblige..David Brewer.

03/03/2006

Blues-2-Don'ts Special Pre-Spring Fever Edition: "Name that Blues Pussy Vol. II"

2006-03-04T15:12:00.000-08:00

Blues -2-Don'ts Vol. 13
for the Still Suffering
Cat-A-tonic Blues-A-Holic

No doubt Some like it
Red Hot, White & Blue!

Who is this Twisted Sister?

I can name that Blue Fin Tuna
in 3 notes Dr. John Doe Re Me!

Post your handle and your Answer!

Yes, Come on Tiger

and Name That Blues Pussy!

MRrrrrEOW!

THE WBS BB AWARDS WASHING MACHINE BLUES SOCIETY BLUES BULLSHIT AWARDS

2006-03-02T14:34:00.000-08:00

BLUES - 2- DON'TS
VOLUME 411 CHAPTER 8
FOR THE STILL SUFFERING
OBSESSIVE BLUES-A-HOLIC
03-02-2006

WBS B.B. AWARDS
WASHING MACHINE BLUES SOCIETY
BLUES BULLSHIT AWARDS

HOSTED BY BLUES-2-DON'TS
“MS. BARELY TALKER”

LIVE TELECASTER FROM B.N.N.
BLUES NEWS NETWORK
REPORTING FROM
MY BIG RICH DADDY’S
BLUES CLUB

The ROYAL King
of the Blues

David Brewer

THE ROYAL Queen
of the Blues

Rhea Rolfe

THE ROYAL DUKE &
DUCHESS OF THE BLUES
MARK WHITMAN &

MARIDEL VON FLISS

THE ARCH BISHOP OF THE BLUES
REVEREND DAVE BROWN

THE MUSICIANS 401
Y2KY ROYAL
BLUES JELLY AWARD
BILL FRECKLETON &
BLUES-2-DON’TS

THE CROWN ROYAL SCRIBE OF
THE HOLY BLUES BOOK,
OFFICIAL TIME KEEPER AND KING
OF THE BOTTOM OF THE WORLD
MARCUS DALTON

BEST-DRESSED MUSICIAN
MALE / FEMALE
Dr. Richard Kimble Conant
TINY TIM TURNER
KATHY HEARTLESS
KATHY Mac DONALD-DOUGLAS
MADAMEMOUSILLE MARY McPAGE
CHARLENE GRANT
ELMO T. HAMHOCK
LITTLE BILL

WORST DRESSED MUSICIAN
MALE / FEMALE
NICKY VINEGARINO
RANDY LOAFER
BECKY BOBBIE JEAN SUE MCGEE
JIMMY EXPENSIVE
SHELDON ZORRO AND SGT. BARCIA

WORST BLUES CLUB IN TOWN
ROUTE 66 BIG ASS BLUES CLUB & FRAME SHOP
CLUB BOBBY SEALS
CLUB FOOT
THE SHUFFLE BOARD BLUES
SPORTSBAR, GRILLE & AND HAIR CLUB
CHINA CLIP JOINT” HOME OF BLUES FRIED RICE”

BEST BLUES CLUB SANDWICH
THE SALMON BAY EAGLES
THE NEW ORLEANS

BARELY KEEPING THE BLUES
MUSICIANS ALIVE
STEVE SCARCROWSKY
LARRY CULPWRIT
CHA CHA CHARLIE
RANDY LOAFERBROGEN BOOKING
& DAY LABOR AGENCY
JIMMY EXSPENSIVE
GREEDY WOLF PRODUCTIONS
AND PAUL RAKISH

Definitely Keeping
The Blues Musicians Alive!
Gaye Andersen
Jimmie Jean Tuttle

BEST KEEPING THE HARMONICA PLAYERS
OFF THE BAND STAND
MARK WHITMAN
DAVID BREWER
BIG BILL FRECKLETON
STICKSHIFT ANNIE
DR. RICHARD KIMBAL CONANT

BEST CROSS-ROADS DRESSING AWARD
TWISTED CHRISTER LEIGHTON
AURORA FRECKLETON
NICOLE VIGARINO
HENNRIETTA JAMES COOPER
LITTLE BILLIE
FATIMA JAMES
KAY TEE
CHARLES DEVANA WHITE
JIMMY ALICE STEWART

FROM: MS WETMORE OF EVERETT

MY PERSONAL ASS ISITANT

THE MOST DEPRESSED

BLUES FE-MAIL IMPERSONATOR

GOES OUT TO:

Mrs. Beverly Gibson of Everett

BEST BLUES CAR - Mark Whitman
BEST BOOZE CLUB – Coroner Inn
BEST BLUES THRIFT STORE –Value Village
BEST BLUES CASANOVA – Nick Viagraino

BEST BLUES SEEDY RELEASE
ABSOLUTELY
- David Brewer & The Intimidators
TEMPTATION ROAD
- Nick Vigarino

BEST BLUES ROLE MODEL

OTIS AUSTIN
DAVID BREWER
MARK WHITMAN

BREAST BLUES CLUB
SUGAR’S HWY99

BLUES CRY BABY OF THE YEAR

RICK CHAPMAN
STEVE SCARCROWSKY
RANDY LOAFER
JEREMEY SMITH

RONA BARRET OF THE BLUES
GOSSIP AWARD
RHEA ROLFE
REVEREND DEB
FRAU MURNA
BUNNY N CHAIR
BROWN TROUSER TROUT
DEEP BLUES THROAT

AND A VERY SPECIAL AWARD

TO: OUR GERMAN BLUES FANNY

"FRAU MURNAU PRIEBENHOFFER"

FROM OUR INTERNATIONAL

FOREIGN BLUES AFFAIRS DEPT.

AND OUR VATICAN NOCTURNAL

BLUES EMISSIONARY REPRESENTATIVE

POPE ALBERT KING OF KINGS

THE HOLY BLUES BUTT PLUG!!

http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.php

BEST BLUES PHOTOGRAPHERS HAT
DUDLEY BLUES RIGHT

SEXIEST BLUES WRITER
REVEREND DEB ENGELHARDT

BEST BLUES BULLSHIT STORY

RANDY LOAFER BAND AND THE
LAST TRAIN TO CLARKSDALE

BLUES BULLSHIT AWARD

JEREMEY SMYTHE

STEVE SCARCROWSKY

RANDY LOAFER

SEXIEST BLUES D.J.
LESLIE FLUERY “THE EMPRESS"

BEST BLUES ENVIRONMENTALIST

DADDY TREETOPS

phone:))))))))))))))))))

"HELLO BLUES TO DON'TS"

PHONE:)++)++**#$%%ARIBA !!!ARIBA

LATE BREAKING NEWS

VIA BNN'S TACO CHOPPER

FROM ENUMCLAUSTRAPHOBIA!!!

BLUES INPERSONARIO CHOLO WILSIN!

HAS WON THE BEST BLUES BULLSHITTER AWARD

BY A LAND SLIDE AVARITABLE BLUES LAHAR

OF VOTES

ALL WINNERS OF THE WBS BB
WILL RECIEVE A SOLID SILVER
BLUES SPOT PLUG FOR THAT
HARD TO FIND FEELING
(MAKES A GOOD SLIDE)
PLUS A YEARS SUPPLY
OF DETERGENT TO
WASH YOUR DIRTY
LITTLE SECRETS!!

BLUES MYSTERY THEATRE: " THE CASE OF THE BLUES VAMPIRE SOCIETY"

2006-02-24T20:32:00.000-08:00

BLUES TO DON'TS VOLUME 13 022406
THE IRRATIONAL BLUES BLOG FOR
THE RH NEG/TYPE O+ BLUES-A-HOLIC

BALLARD BLUES CEMETARY AND THE
VULTURE BAY BLUES SOCIETY HALL

LOOK IN TO MY EYES AND GIVE

ME A SHUFFLE IN Eb BOYS

JIMIE JEAN LOOK INTO
MY EYES GET ME A DOUBLE
BLOODY MARY AND WHERE
IS NICOLE FOURNIER PLAYING !

THE ADVENTURES
OF BLUES DRACULA
& STEVIE RAY
VON HELLSING
TO BE CONTINUED STAY TUNED UP

STANDING AT THE CROSS DRESSING ROADS: CROSSING OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BLUES

2006-02-22T20:48:00.000-08:00

BLUES-2-DON'TS

VOL 69 022206

The Return of Elmo T. Hamhock
Blues Rumor Central:
Live on the Broken Blues Back
District of Beacon Hill
Cha Cha Charlie reporting for
The Gay Blues News

Yes the Mysterious Elmo
has been making sporadic
appearances sometimes under
the direction and guidance
of the Loaferbrogan Booking Agency.
Which by strange coincidence popped up
out of Nowhere Man on the
Eve of Destruction of the dashed
dreams of the Randy Loafer Band.
Yes Randy if you Can't Beat em
then Book em Dano!

Rumor: Further on Down The Road
Aunties Panties
Sports Bar & Tea Room
(3057 Beacon Ave. South)

The Fabled MR HAMHOCK will
be hosting a SERIES OF SUNDAY
NIGHT HIPPIE & SPADE PARTY FREAKOUTS.
Where tell The Dali Llama of the Blues
aka ELMO Will TESTES-fy and Wetness the
Res-Erection of the 200,000 Year
Old BLUES TENOR SAXOPHONE PLAYER
BLUES-TH and channel
IT'S SPIRITwith a RED HOT Rendition of
J Z KNIGHT TIME IS THE RIGHT TIME

Early Vintage:

Elmo T. Hamhock

Brewershoot Festival 2006

2006-02-18T21:54:00.000-08:00

The Adventures of Bluesloser
BLUES-TIME-Travelver>>))))>>

Billy:
" Yeah Baby were on a express train to hell yee haw!'"
Monique:
"Come on Billy lets go back to the Marco Polo Motel
and cook up some I'm bored and need some luv'n"
Billy:
"See that Whiskey Bottle your throwing
Away it is like my life Story! Nuttin'but
BAD HABITS,twist tops, and bad seeds."
Monique:
"Well Billy I know your ALL TORE DOWN
and getting crazy like NADINE but is
that true?"
Billy:
"ABSOLUTELY and YOU DON'T
KNOW ME THAT WELL!
cause Baby were going to
The Brewershoot Festival
2001 in Ballard Washinton!!!!!!!!!!
off ROUTE 66 right next to
BOB'S TRAILER HAVEN"

BREWERSHOOT 2001 Bit Tavern
David Brewer and The Intimidators

MONIQUE:

"Slow down Billy were going too fast)))))))"

BILLY:

"were going back to 1973/74ish ha ha ah huh ah ha ha ha huh ha!"

YOUNGPower trio- Albert Collins and

yours truly on guitars and

Henry(Coco)Montoya on drums,

with about 4,800 friends

at The Gold Creek Dome in Woodenville 1974

"Indian boy playing the blues,

on top of the world!!!"

MONIQUE:

BILLLLLLLLLLY!!!!>>>>>>>>>>>

Hawaii LATE 60'S

THE ORIGINAL

BREWERSHOOT

MONIQUE:

BILLY!!!!!!!!!!!

Get off that Horse

eeiiieeeiieieeeeeeee

eeee ooooooooooo!!!

>>-------------------------->

THE ORIGINAL

INTIMIDATOR!!!

yA TAY HAY

GET DAVID BREWER'S NEW CD

"ABSOLUTELY " AT http://WWW.CDBABY.COM

OR AT BOP STREET RECORDS IN BALLARD, WA

HTTP://WWW.BOPSTREETRECORDS.COM

MONIQUE:

"Billy wake up Honey bunny you've been

tossing and turning all night and its time to

catch the bus: CAUSE IT'S HARD TO GET AROUND

WHEN YOUR CARS BROKE DOWN"

THE DAILY GRINDER WORLD NEWS FROM A BASS PLAYERS PERSPECTIVE

2006-02-17T18:46:00.000-08:00

THE BLUES-2-DON'TS

VOLUME 10 +/- 3db

THE DAILY GRINDER
WORLD BLUES NEWS FROM
A BASS PLAYERS PERSPECTIVE

AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR
FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT
IN REHAB, PAKYURFANNYSTAN
"RAW-HEEL RA-MADONNA"

I'M HERE WITH

IRAQI BLUES BAND

BLUES JIHAD PROMOTING

THEIR BLUES HIT

"HIDEAWAY"

FROM THEIR NEW ALBUM !

'OSAMI CAN YOU SEE

I HAVEN'T BIN LAIDEN'

BLUES JIHAD

PERFORMING TONIGHT AT
THE INFIDALITY INN
WITH SPECIAL CONGRESSIONAL
GUEST TABLE DANCER PAT BOTTOMS

AND NOW A WORD FROM
OUR SPONSORS IN
MUSICAL TERRORISM
IRAN-IRAQ CONTRA - BASS
AND BAND SUPPLY COMPANY

KEEPING YOU IN SUPPLY
WITH THE AXES OF EVIL
AND HARMONICAS
OF MASS DESTRUCTION

From the Earth did We Create you
and into it Shall We Return you
and from it shall We Bring you
out once again:

TO AN OSAMMI HAGER CONCERT
AT THE WAILING WALL MARTyr
PARKING LOT IN OURDRUMMERSBAD'S
NO-SUPERFLY-ZONE

THE BLUES-2-DON'TS EDITORIAL COMMENT PLEASE DON'T HURT MY INNER BLUES CHILD!

2006-02-14T11:54:00.000-08:00

VERY LITTLE BILL

"THE HARMONICA CRY BABY"

AND THE INCONTINENTALS

"LIVE AT: CLUB THE OWNER"

SEATTLE'S PREMIERE BLUES SPOT

BLUES-2-DON'TS INNUENDO DISCLAIMER:

In light of a rash of recent Drive by Bloggings I

decided to repost my editorial published in

Volume XX Blues-2-Don'ts

"PLEASE DONT HURT MY INNER BLUES CHILD"

PC BLUES WARNING

SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE TO READ OR

PARTAKE IN RANCOROUS,

RAUCOUS & RANCID SCATHING

OF VARIOUS PUBLIC BLUES FIXTURES,

ICONS, PERSONALITIES. YOU SHOULD

PROBALLY CONSIDER MAKING RESERVATIONS

AT THE BON MARCHE TEA ROOM.

AND BLOG ON SOME OTHER CANDY ASS WEBLOG

We recognize that blues humor can be risky.

It is our hope that by laughing at you the reader

(and others) we can make this subject more

Objectionable! If you find any of these slanderous

comments objectionable. We do not care because

The Blues is not supposed to be nice and

we do not apologize! Many issues of Blues-2-Don'ts

were passed along via email and others spotted

on other websites. As with most blues gossip: the original

perpetrator, loose cannon or stool pigeon

has gone into hiding.

Thank you and keep Suffering with the Blues.
You big cry baby!

THE TWELVE STEPS OF BAA

BLUES-A-HOLICS ANONYMOUS
AND FOR THE STILL SUFFERING BLUES-A-HOLIC
AND BASS PLAYERS THAT KEEP

HITTING THE BOTTOM

THE BLUES JAMMERS SERENITY PRAYER
GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO LEARN THE CHANGES
I CAN NOT PLAY AND THE COURAGE TO PLAY THE CHANGES I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW WHEN NOT TO SIT IN

THE TWELVE STEPS OF BAA

1. WE ADMITTED THAT WE WERE POWERLESS OVER

THE BLUES AND OUR LIVES BECAME UNMANAGEABLE.
2. WE CAME TO BELIEVE THAT A SHUFFLE

IN "E" GREATER THAN NATIONAL BLUES ACTS

COULD RESTORE US FROM REDUNDANCY.
3 WE MADE A DESCISION TO TURN OUR WILL &

OUR LIVES TO CARE OF THE BLUES SOCIETY.
4. WE MADE A BEER-LESS AND PAINFUL

SEARCH OF ALL OUR LOCAL BLUES COMPACTS DISC'S
5. WE WERE ADMITTED TO A BLUES SOCIETY SPONSORED

FUNCTION WITHOUT EVER PAYING THE COVER.
6. WE WERE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE ANOTHER

HARMONICA BLOW OFF FOR THE NEXT TWENTY YEARS.
7. HUMBLY ASKED OUR PRESIDENT WHICH CLUBS WE

SHOULD GO TO AND NOT SMOKE OR SPEND ANY MONEY AT THES VENUES.
8. MADE A LISTOF ALL BLUES BANDS, CLUB OWNERS

AND CLUBS IN TOWN AND PROMOTED THE ONES

WHO SMOOZED US THE MOST.
9. MADE DIRECT DEPOSITS TO OUR BANK ACOUNTS

WHEN EVER A BAND WANTED US TO VOTE FOR THEM
10. COUNTINUED TO WRITE LAME EDITORIALS ABOUT HOW GOOD SOME JOE BLOW BAND IS DOING AND WHEN WE WERE WRONG PROMPTLY DENIED IT.
11. SUFFERED THROUGH SLOW BLUES BALLADS IN "G" AND

ENDLESS BORING HARMONICA SOLO'S IN EFFORT TO GAIN

SOCIAL STATUS.
12. HAVING HAD A RUDE AWAKENING AS THE RESULT OF

POOR NEW MEMBERSHIP SIGN UPS, ALIENATION FROM

THE NEW GENERATION OF MUSIC FANS AND MUSCIANS

WITH OPEN MINDS; ARE CURRENT ARCHAIC MEMBERSHIP

ROLLS WILL DIE OUT QUICKLY FROM BLUESHEIMER'S

DISEASE & PTBSD (POST TRAUMATIC BLUES STRESS DISORDER).

HAVE A GOOD DAY AND KEEP SUFFERRING WITH THE BLUES

FATS OFF THE WALLER

EDITOR IN CHARGE

DAVID BREWER'S BLUES MYSTERY THEATRE PRESENTS: Case of The Missing News Paper Editor

2006-02-12T13:34:00.000-08:00

BLUES-2-DON'TS VOL XXX
BLUES BLOG FOR THE BLUES-A-HOLIC
WITH TOURETTE'S DISORDER

THE CASE OF THE MISSING
NEWS PAPER EDITOR

PHONE RINGS:>)>)>)>)>)>)>

HELLO THE BREWER AGENCY
REPOSSESSION, INTIMIDATION &
ENTHUSIASTIC CHARACTER REALIGNMENT
of thieves, Assholes, Women Beaters, Dipshits,
NEWS PAPER EDITOR'S Know it alls etc.
GUITARPICKIN, BLUES SHOUTIN
& PARTY PLANNING !
PHONE:)))))))))))))))))))))))
the newsletter Edit*++*+*+%%##WEwewoo
wewewoo and then he cut up my#&#*#*
The Brewer Agency)))))))))
OH bieell ..........TAKE 3 SHOTS OF CROWN ROYAL
and lay lo with monique-a-niki-hoki at the Closed Inn
and I'll finish that blues letter editors work!!!!
and oblige...Brewer..!

"DON'T YOU GET IT OR DO I HAVE
TO WRITE IT DOWN !!!!"

GET DAVID BREWER'S NEW CD
ABSOLUTELY AT http://WWW.CDBABY.COM
OR AT BOP STREET RECORDS IN BALLARD
http://BOPSTREETRECORDS.COM
YES AND DON'T YOU NOT GET IT
AND YOUR GOING TO WRITE IT DOWN!
AND OBLIGE!

ALL SO IN THIS ISSUE
OUR NEVER UNDIE-CLOTHED,
AND NOT COVERED SOURCES
OF BLUES DISINFORMATION
BROOKE SHEILDED UNDER
THE WETNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM.

MS. WETMORE BROWNTROUT

AURORA WILCOX
DEEP BLUES THROAT

THE RANDY LOAFER BAND
SWEET POLLY BLUES BREAD

FRAU MURNAU PRIEBENHOFFER
DR BLOG AND BLUES LOSER

David Brewer
and The Intimidators

Personal Biography:

David Brewer, Big? Yeah! Intimidating? Maybe, Dull? Never! And definitely talented. All those years of playing blues rooms have accomplished a very good thing. They've created a seasoned player with a sly knack for catchy songwriting, monster guitar chops and near genre-perfect banged-up vocals.Brewer's been living the life of a bluesman for 35 years. Although he was born and still lives in Seattle, his mom is from Florida and his dad is from Tennessee. He went to high school in Hawaii with Gabby Pahinui's kids. He's part Seminole and very proud of his American Indian heritage. After a tour in Vietnam, in 1969, he made his way back to Seattle via Texas. Once back, he toured for 21/2 years with Albert Collins. David toured Europe in 94' and 95'. He's won The Washington Blues Society's awards for "Best Guitar Player" and "Best Songwriter" several times. He weathered good times and bad and shared the stage with some of the biggest names in the blues.Recordings Include:* David's latest record is titled "Absolutely"©(2005)* "All Tore Down"©(1995) "Bad Habits"@(1990)* In 1997,Chicago blues harp legend, Carey Bell covered David's song Bad Habits on his Alligator release Good Luck Man.* In 1997, Bad Habits was the title song on Oakland's Matthew Robinsons Fodora Records release. * In 1995, Canadian blues rocker, Collin James also covered Bad Habits as the title cut on his JUNO award-winning Warner Bros./Canada album.* In the early 90's, English blues man, Long John Baldry covered Brewer's You Wanna Dance on his Still Ain't Easy album released on the Stoney Plain label. "The blues are life with the dull parts left out".....D. Brewer Davidbrewerblues@yahoo.com Crossed Arrows

Music
CD Review by Mark Dalton (October 2005)

AbsolutelyDavid Brewer and the IntimidatorsCrossed Arrows MusicThe chorus for one of my favorite tunes on this excellent disc says "You don't know me that well..." and it is true that I don't know David Brewer, the man, that well. We have friends in common however, and I've never heard anything said about Brewer except that he is a good, true friend and a righteous man. What I know better, personally, is David Brewer's music. I remember the first time I ever heard him play very well. It was at one of the Seattle Blues Review shows put on at the old G-Note Tavern out on 85th by promoter Jim Hamilton. I can refresh my memory of this 1977 show, because we got it on tape, including performances by Tom McFarland, Isaac Scott, Kim Field, and a scorching set by David Brewer and his band, Blueseye. He did a tune then called "Texas Strut" that blows me away to this day - all the energy of Freddie King in his Shelter Records prime, with explosive solos that also reflected Brewer's then-recent apprenticeship with Albert Collins - louder than hell, with an edge that cut like a machete. Complex, funky arrangement that turned on a dime. To say I was impressed with Brewer's debut in my musical life that night would be a terrible understatement.Our paths continued to cross over the years as Brewer settled into the Seattle Blues scene as a major player. I have a tape of a jam in Twist Turner's basement in the north end, just before Twist pushed off for Chicago to seek his fortune, with Brewer, Isaac and Brian Butler all playing guitars together, making a hellacious, wonderful racket - screaming Blues like you rarely hear in a more civilized Seattle of 2005.I was hanging out on a break at the Salmon Bay Eagles last week when a friend of mine gave me a copy of Brewer's (right, at the Jolly Roger Roadhouse in Seattle in the mid-'80s) new CD and said "here - you have got to have this." Okay...I took it home and put it on, and you know what? This is a really good CD. I mean a really good CD. This is not another local blues band CD - you know what I'm saying - a relatively unadorned, low budget, live in the studio, what-you-hear-is-what-you-get any night out in the clubs type-CD. This is an album of good songs - a mix of covers and original tunes - with creative arrangements, and good engineering and production. Some songs have a very cool wall-of-sound effect - layers of guitars in harmony, a solid horn section that sounds like Phil Spector himself at the board; these are compositions, obviously approached song-by-song with as much time, energy, and creative thinking as necessary given to each one to make the man happy! Listening to this album over and over hearkens back to a time for me when I would anxiously be awaiting a new release from Freddie King, or Albert Collins, or the Allman Brothers Band, and as soon as I had my hands on it, I would just play it non-stop until I'd crawled all the way inside and the cuts were as broken-in and familiar as a good pair of boots.Brewer's always interesting take on the Blues is strongly in evidence here - listen to what he has done with an old saw like "Walkin' By Myself" - a tune you've heard hundreds of times if you've been around Seattle Blues for any time at all - and yet, with Brewer's able hands and well-worn voice on the job, it sounds fresh and new. Another familiar tune, the old Animal's hit, "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood," is given new life, in a convincing reading that, like all of Brewer's music, seems to come straight at you, from the heart. One of Chuck Berry's several delightful continental-flavored songs, "You Never Can Tell," gets the full studio treatment here - horns, vocal chorus, big fat sound - and the result works just great in my book.Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic" was perhaps the choice of a song that surprised me the most - but a couple times through and I was sold completely. The ringing guitar chorus, backed by a horn section that will make your feet vibrate, is just a great sound, and Brewer sings this tune with deep soul. As it says on the cover of this satisfying set, "Not everything that counts can be counted..." Believe it! Get it!

"Originally from Nebraska, Mark Dalton
moved to Seattle in the early '70s.
He is an accomplished bassist
and stalwart bluesman. cd
He currently plays with
the Chris Stevens Band"

MIKE LYNCH

David Brewer Cd Review REPOSTED
from Mike Lynch's Hot Blues Weblog
http://www.JetCityBlues.blogspot.com

'****THUMBS UP'

"A ROCKING & REELING

BLUES TSUNAMI!"

DARNELL DUPONT & NORELCO DUWALT

THE FLUSHING NEW YORK DAILY READER

GO ON TAKE THE PLUNGE AND MEET ME AT THE BOTTOM ON THE CLUB SUB THE UNDERWATER BLUES CLUB

2006-02-08T23:16:00.000-08:00

HOW FAR DOWN DO YOU GO
WHEN YOU HAVE THE BLUES
REAL DEEP BLUES

SERENITY

FANTASY

CLUB SUB NAVAL BASS

THE BLUES REPUBLIC

OF VODKASTOLISTAN

GATE WAY TO THE

BLUESFORUS SEA

BOOK CLUB SUB

FOR YOUR SWINGERS PARTY, BLUES RAVES,

BLUES AWARDS CEREMONIES, SPECIAL EVENTS

CD RELEASE PARTY, WEDDINGS & FUNERALS

SEND YOUR LOVED ONES AND PETS

OUT THE TORPEDO TUBE WITH A SPLASH !!!!

SAME DAY DIVORCES $$$$$$

HAVE YOUR SPOUSE WALK THE PLANK

TO MICKEY DOLENZ'S LOCKER $$$$

IN BLUESHARK INFESTED WATERS!

DINE IN THE TORPEDO ROOM BAR & GRILL
& ENJOY SOME HOT DANCING IN THE RAD
REACTOR ROOM
MUSIC HALL
TO THE ROCKING SOUNDS OF THE WORLD'S
DEEPEST BASSLINE
2 STARFISH ADMIRAL
NATASHA AUREOLE
CLUB SUB COMMANDER

LULULITA
TOPAUFLOTSKY
ABLE BODIED
*MERMAID
SUB CLUB
PYSCHOLOGIST
ACTIVITIES
DIRECTOR
LICENSED
DATE
THERAPIST
Dr. Muffy Divertimento says:
WHAT GOES DOWN
DOESN'T ALWAYS
COME UP
So don't forget
to take your Blu-iagra
Cool & Refreshing web site:
From the Land of Deep Blue Waters
http://www.bluesandburlesque.com
*Mermaid photo (Bambi)in this post
Taken from this Site
She is a Burlesque Artist in
New York, New York

THE XX vs XY BLUES An Investigator's Clinical Study

2006-02-03T21:50:00.000-08:00

Blues-2-Don'ts
THE BLUES BLOG FOR
THE STILL SUFFERING
BLUES-A-HOLIC WITH A
SCHIZOTYPAL BORDERLINE
PERSONALITY DISORDER
301.22 DSB-iIVv
Diagnostic & Statisical
Manual Of Blues Disorders

Sex Differences
In The Homo-Sapien Female
with an Elicited Blues Response
(An uncontrollable Study)
Sir Heinrich Hamsterdam MD PHD
(Mentally Deranged Persistently Heavy Drinker)

What do you Feel ?
What do you Think?
What draws you into the music?

Inpowerment Animal Attraction

Sharing the Joy with Others.....

Seduction Intrigue Adventure

POST A COMMENT! WHAT IS IT THAT
GAVE BIRTH TO THE BLUES IN YOUR LIFE?
WHAT MAKES YOUR FREAK FLAG FLY?

POST A COMMENT and DON'T FORGET

TO SEE CANDYE KANE
SUNDAY FEB 5TH 8PM
AT THE TRACTOR IN BALLARD

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JAKE'S FAILED HOUSE GOES DOWN! NEW COWBOY CLUB GO'S WAY DOWN!

2006-01-31T21:53:00.000-08:00

BLUES-2-DON’TS
Vol + OR – 3db
THE BLUES BLOG
FOR THE SCHIZO AFFECTIVE
DELUSIONAL BLUES-A-HOLIC

EVEN COWBOYS GET THE BLUES
EMERGENCY ACTION BLUES ALERT
TO ALL BLUES JAMMERS
THE GIG IS UP!
FEMA (FEDERAL WAY EMERGENCY MUSIC AGENCY)
RAIDS JAKES FAILED HOUSE OF THE BLUES JAMMERS
LOOKING FOR THE RANDY LOAFER BAND

Ring)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Fax: machine answer.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Forwarded Message FROM BIA (blues intelligence agency)

From: Undie-clothed Sources
Date: Tue, 31 Jan 2006 00:02:42 -0800
To: Chase Man-Hating
MANAGEMENT Tacoma, WA
Subject: FW: Re: End of an Era

JAKE'S FAILED HOUSE GOES
DOWN ALONG WITH BAND'S
MEMPHIS BLUES DREAM

A Scoop of Hot Poop

From the Trusty Brown Trout.

SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR INSIDE STOOL PIDGEON:

From: TRUSTY BROWN TROUT
To: BLUES-2-DON’TS
Subject: Re: End of an Era (and a IRA)
Date: Mon, 30 Jan 2006 13:26:06 -0800

Hmmmmm

I wonder if Randy has given any thought to moving
the Blues Jam to TheSXXXS in Tacoma?
I am sure Bob HXXX would welcome him with open arms
A. P .W. RxxING Mxx SxxxxxS
Tacoma, WA OU812
Phone & Fax: Pgr: 1 ADAM 12
On Sun, 29 Jan 2006 12:44:26 -0800 (PST) M. Bt
writes:
Shit no FU......... W*Y;====== Ditto THAT NO MONEY NO GIG! :-(
M. B.
--- P K wrote:
I was so sorry to hear that The Randy LOAFER Band
Did not advance to the finals. Hope those of you who went
to Memphis had a great time anyway AND ENJOYED ALL THE PERKS
I'm afraid I have some bad news, but thought you'd
want to know. JAKES FAILED HOUSE has been sold.
THE NEW OWNERS WANT TO CASH IN ON THE
WHOLE BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN CRAZE.
I Think it will be called THE BARE-BACK BAR & GRILL
The new owner wants to bring in Pool tables and Dart boards
A MECHANICAL BULL,A DISCO BALL, HIRE A BUNCH COWBOYS
TO TABLE DANCE AND Wash Dishes
There will be NO LIVE music LOTS OF GET DOWN WITH
DJ COWTOWN ACTION
Except possibly for a YODELING COWBOY ACT
During Happy hour.
They will be transitioning to the new ownership over the next 6 weeks.
All music has been cancelled. The performance last night by the Band
Loose Call Girls was their final night of music. I am
Assuming the jam is cancelled, too, although I have not
Talked with Randy.

Guess we always knew the party would end one day.
We've spent many LATE LATE hours in there with live music.
For Ms. X and me, it goes back over 10 years. We have
made so many great CONNECTIONS there over the beers. I
hope we can continue to see each other at other lame
Venues. Perhaps we can find another Band to do our
Dirty deeds or Just change The Loaf’s name
HMMMM....i wonder if RANDY ?
KNOWS RHINESTONE COWBOY
Pxxxx

This memo is CONFIDENTIAL

TO: Ms. WETMORE

(EVERETT OFFICE)

FOR IMMEDIATE ACTION!

01-31-0 CODE NAME MR. ED

SEE THE BREAST OF BOTH WORLDS: Award Winning Blues Singer & Enchantress Candye Kane @ Tractor Tavern 2/5/06 8pm + Watch The Super Bowl Free 2:30 PM

2006-01-29T22:39:00.000-08:00

BLUES-2-DON'TS VOL XXVIII
THE BLOG FOR THE BLUES-A-HOLIC
THAT HAS AN ORAL - ANAL FIXATION

HAVING A BLUES MID WIFE CRISIS
DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO SHIT OR GO BLIND
IT’S THIS OR IT’S THAT? CAN’T GO TO DETROIT
WELL THAT’S TOO BAD SPORTS JOCK
(BLUES AFFECTIVE DISORDER)
YOU CAN GO TO BALLARD HELL YEAH !
SEAHAWKS FANS SEE FREE BIG SCREEN TV 2:30
THEN GO-GO GIRLFRIEND TO THE TRACTOR 8 PM

THIS SUNDAY FEBRUARY 5TH 8pm
WORLD FAMOUS AWARD WINNING
BLUES SINGER AND ECHANTRESS
Ruf Records Recording Artist

MS. CANDYE KANE
WILL BE SWINGING AND ROCKING THE BLUES

RUBY DEE
AND THE SNAKEHANDLERS
(OPENING)
8pm ~ $13adv/$15dos
THE TRACTOR TAVERN
5213 NW Ballard Ave Seattle WA, 98107
206 789-3599 or online tickets or info at:
http://www.tractortavern.com/

Get my newest CD, White Trash Girl
Available from Ruf Records
http://www.candyekane.com/

Sun, Feb 5 - SUPER BOWL SUNDAY
At The Tractor! Watch the Game
Come out to beautiful downtown Ballard
And watch The SeaHawks kick ass!
All you can eat BBQ while it lasts!
Doors at 2:30pm ~ free

Additional NW dates coming up for Candye
2/2 Vancouver, BC TheYale
2/4 Vancouver, WA Cascade Tavern
2/5 Seattle, WA Tractor Tavern

Excerpts from CANDYE KANE’S
Web Site Biography

Hi. I'm Candye Kane. I was born in Ventura, California on November 13th. I am a Scorpio. I was raised in Highland Park, which is in North East Los Angeles. I went to Franklin High School where I became friends with many Mexican Americans and first learned to sing and speak in Spanish. My parents still live in the same house I was raised in. I had my first child when I was 17 years old, and for economic reasons, became a stripper, topless model and plus size porn star. Through it all, I used my money to subsidize my musical ambitions and hired top notch musicians to play with me. I learned to exploit the sex business to my own advantage, and continue to exploit them, just as they exploited me!
My first musical experiences were as a child, organizing plays and musicals in my neighborhood. My first band was with my cousins, Shawn and Shay. We were called "The Gemini 3". My money making band was called "Rawhide" with Damon and Lissa Kaye. We played with many punk rock bands at the now defunct "Cathay De Grande" in Hollywood. It was a great time to be in music. You could see Black Flag, Los Lobos, Dwight Yoakum, The Circle Jerks, The Screamin Sirens, The Blasters and Rawhide on one stage in one night. My next band was with Jumpin' Jerry Sikorski and American Patrol. In those days I was the receptionist at the L.A. Weekly in between stripping tours. Later I formed a country band in L.A. called "The Armadillo Stampede" with Will Ray on guitar. We got a lot of great attention in the early L.A. country scene and landed a developmental deal with CBS/Epic. Eventually, I tired of country music and the hypocritical Nashville country game. I started singing blues when I was introduced to singers like Etta James and Ruth Brown. I realized that Blues would forgive me for my controversial past, and I sure wouldn't have to lose weight to be taken seriously as a blues singer.
Since her first Antones' release, she has recorded 7 cds for labels that include Discovery, Rounder/Bullseye, Sire records and Germany based RUF records. Kane's latest release,
White Trash Girl (RUF1084/USA) is an autobiographical walk through her colorful life. Her seventh CD was recorded entirely in Austin, Texas. Produced by WC Handy Award nominee Mark "Kaz" Kazanoff, the CD features performances by Austinites; Gary Primich, Former Fabulous T-Bird Preston Hubbard and piano legend Riley Osborn. The songs are gutsy and humorous, tender and provocative. Early reviews are fabulous. The May 2005 issue of Mojo Magazine says: "Kane is a superior belter of raunchy blues. She is candid, saucy and great fun."
Today, I am a devoted single mom and a touring musician. I tour about 250 days a year. In between touring and recording, and raising my son, I lend my voice to my fellow sex workers. I believe everyone should have a chance to realize their goals and live their dreams. I was told by many that it couldn't be done. I persevered and refused to give up, in spite of all the naysayers who discouraged me. I had many obstacles, being a large sized, teenage welfare mom, outspoken bisexual porn star raised in a dysfunctional household in the ghetto. But I know that if I can be successful as a singer, anyone can achieve great things.
I hope to inspire others to live their dreams and love and accept themselves in the process, even though it seems like a daunting prospect in today’s world. If I could have people say one thing about me when I am gone, it would be: She had a big heart and she made a difference!!

THEN AFTER THE SHOW !
GO HOME PUT ON CANDYE'S NEW CD
DRAW A WARM RELAXING BATH
ORDER THE BUNNYS BEST FRIEND!
The Rabbit Habit rated 4 thumbs up your ?
http://WWW.BABELAND.COM

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STAYED TUNED FOR MORE, MORE , MORE
HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, HOW DO YOU LIKE IT !
IF YOU WANT SOME ACTION SATISFACTION
FROM BUNNY THE BLUES FLUFFER

Rhona Baretta Blues Privates Investigator: " The Case of the Missing Guitar Player " on Blues Mystery Theater

2006-01-26T23:34:00.000-08:00

BLUES-2-DON'TS
THE BLUES BLOG FOR
THE BIPOLAR TYPE II
BLUES-A-HOLIC
01-27-06

TheAurora Village People's Blues Court:
Evidence CD COVERS (photo above)
David Brewer X-hibit A+
Dean Reichert X-hibit C -

THE AURORA VILLAGE PEOPLE'S BLUES COURT:
THE CASE OF THE SHOT OF CHEVAS REGAL,
MOTEL KEYS, HAND GUN VS. THE SHOT OF NOVACAINE,
SHE CAN’T FIND HER KEYS, AND HE
DOESN’T HAVE A GUN?

Complainant: MR. DAVID BREWER
Of BOB’S BIG BOY BLUES BAIL BONDS
LOANS, GUNS, FLOWERS, SMOKE SHOP,
WORLD RENOWED BLUES ARTIST,
BOXER, COW PUNCHER,
AND BALLET DANCER.

Against

OFFEND ant : DEAN REICHART
Tacoma’s Kenny G String OF THE BLUES
PHOTO COPY TECHNICIAN
BLUES JAMMER

Hey BLUES-2-DON’TS
If you want something to rant about on your blog (which
I dig the most...) look up
A dude from Tacoma named DEAN REICHERT
He has a CD titled
Mistey's Place. The cover is a total rip off my Bad
Habits CD cover, can’t these
F...ING! rookies think up there own shit, there are a
Few things missing on his
Cover, the chick has no motel room key in her
hand, (NITES INN) there ain’t no
Whiskey on the bar, and he ain't got no gun! He has
called me crying about THAT he didn’t realize that our
Covers where exactly, or almost exactly the same but
I call bullshit...I would like to….his... out!
The nerve racking son of a bitch, the
Gob of spit, the scum sucking pig!
I plan to change The cover of my cd, he can
Have that idea even if it ain’t his, I give it to him, I
Just hope he don't mistake
Kindness for weakness, cause as you know I do not play
That s…., m………..r!.
Anyhow have a nice day!
And oblige...Brewer................

DEAR MR BREWER,
DON’T GET YOUR CHAINSAW ALL CHOKED UP YET
It will cost you at least twenty dollars to drive to Tacoma
I WILL DISPATCH THIS POST TO THE
HONORABLE JUDGE MENTAL
OF THE AURORA VILLAGE PEOPLE’S COURT
IN ADDITION, THIS MATTER WILL BE DEALT WITH!
AND SOME ONE WILL BE TAKING OUT SOME INSURANCE
FROM MUTUAL OF ENUMCLAW.
RHONA BAR-ETT-A- JAMES BPI
BLUES PRIVATES INVESTIGATOR

Next Day at Court
We the court find the Offend ant has some Bad Habits
That led to the similarities between the cover that are most egregious.
We recommend that he enroll in BLUES BOOT CAMP and
that he gets A Kinko’s Copy Machine Restraining Odor.
Bailiff break his G-string !

THE MYSTERY CONTINUES NEXT WEEK
ON AURORA VILLAGE PEOPLE'S BLUES COURT
YOU BE THE JUDGE!

Dudley Blues Right's Blues Wild Life Safari

2006-01-24T12:22:00.000-08:00

Blues-2-Don’ts
Volume XXVII
Seattle’s Blues Blog for
The Insecure Paranoid
Blues Megalomaniac
01-24-06

In Association with
The Blues Scouts of America
& Mutual of Enumclaw
Blues Wild Life Kingdom
Blues-2-Don’ts Presents:

Dudley Blues Right’s

"Blues Wild Life Safari"

Do You Dream about being Kool!
Want to Live a Real Wild Blues Life Style
Hang Out, Bring Home and have a Wild Blues Artist
Sleep on your Sofa and Drain your Liquor Cabinet Dry.
Or do you want to Capture the Image Of A Real Wild
Blues Artist and Bring it Back to Walla Walla, Washington
To Impress your Friends.

Well you can do all this and more if you sign up right now for:

DUDLEY BLUES RIGHT'S BLUES WILD LIFE SAFARI

Seattle is famous for its variety of Blues. Wherever you travel and
regardless of what activity you pursue, great Local Blues
can be seen & heard in a variety places.
However, for the extreme-blues enthusiast,
Blues Wild Life Safaris are available.
Each group is accompanied by a
Local Blues Expert Ethno-Horny-Musicologist.
These Safaris cover several different nightclubs, bars,
restaurants and institutions each with their own unique
variety of indigenous blues. A special effort is made to
locate and capture some of the most unusual blues bands
and personalities in each location. In general, the Pacific
Northwest late spring through summer months are best
for hunting down and capturing Your Very Own Real Live
Blues Image/Band/Personality in the Puget Sound Region.

Dudley Blues Right, recognized as one of the worlds
leading Blues Wild Life Trackers , has been helping
bring Real Blues Wild Life into the Avid Obsessive Compulsive
Blues Fan’s living room as a pubic service for years.
Dudley Blues Right’s interest in Stalking & Hunting Blues Artists
down began long before his adventures on Blues Wild Kingdom.
His previous Wild Blues Adventures landed him a six-year stint in
Seven-ElevenWorth Federal Blues Penitentiary for trying to
capture Albert King Kong on federally protected land owned by
HENRY WEINHART’S BLUES WILD LIFE PRIVATE RESERVE.

Accompanying and guiding you on your Blues Wild Life Safari
will be the Washington Blues Society President
“Miss Sweet Polly Pure Blues Bred”. To help introduce
you to the various exciting local blues musicians, blues studs,
blues divas, blues characters and nightclub owners.
In addition Tips on Blues gossip and Dating. Go Go Girl Friend!

In addition, one of the NW regions leading
Blues Photographers and Blues Lifestyles Experts
Mr. Chester Nutworthy will help PHIL YOU IN on these
Basic Blues Hunting Skills Listed Below:
1. How to build a Blues Blind on location in a Night Club so people,
bartenders, bands and security will not see you shooting and
or recording the Blues Artist.
2. How get one over on the Door / Box Office personnel
so you will not ever have to pay a cover again by saying
“I’m with the Press and I’m helping to keep The Blues Alive”
3. Techniques for getting back stage, past security and on stage.
So thousands of folks can see you right up close & personnel with the
Blues Artists. You too can become famous in the Blues Community
and all you have to do is buy a camera and smile.
4. How to win boogus awards, market your Photo’s and Recordings
in foreign countries with no legal liabilities.
5. Basic Blues Grooming Skills: Buying the right hat, jacket and shoes.
Where to get a good blues haircut, how order the right drinks, not tip
and still have the Bartender Like you.

So Sign up Now: Only $666.66
Dudley Blues Right’s Blues Wild Life Safari.
Sign up today and Recieve A Free Blues Safari Pith Helmet
autographed by Randy Loafer, Nick Vigarino and Kathy Heart
Normally a $ 69 .00 value yours to keep free of charge.
In addition all Safari Participants will recieve free tranportation
in Dudley's 2006 Midnight Blue Cadillac SUV with
Holden ZERRO the Masked Harmonica Playing Limousine
Driver and his father Sgt. BARCIA opening doors and handing out
Hot towels.
Cameras, Film, Outfits, rubber gloves, masks, condoms
and dark room rentals are not included in the package
price but are availble at additional cost with
Blues Society Membership Discount!
See MISS SWEET POLLY PURE BLUES BRED for more info

Pay with you MUDDY WATERS EDITION BLUESMASTER CARD
Send CC# and your Girlfriend’s/Boyfriends/wife/husband vital stats
& Photo with phone# /fe-mail Address and a schedule of when
you are not home.
To: Bluesloser@hotmail.com
See You Later Sucker and Keep Suffering with Blues

I Want The Dirt From Deep Beneath The Finger Nails Of Howl N' Wolfe!

2006-01-21T00:04:00.000-08:00

TheWASHINGTON Blues Society POST
National Edition Sat 1-21-06

EMERGEN-C# maj 7TH
Blues-Deaf-Con Alert I-IV-V
Tune in to your local blues station
For minute by minute updates

WHO IS ?

DEEP BLUES THROAT!
Do you know who that is?
Is it you? Are you Linda Blue Lace?
Or is it Halderman, Maguerder, Erlichman, Rolfe, Dudley, Horn,
Chesnut, BrownTrout, Dean, maybe it is my son?
Could it be NV or maybe even Randy Loafer Himself!
Anyway, whoever you are WE LOVE YOU!

Yes folks you too can become a Blues-2-Don’ts
Undie-clothed Never-Uncovered News Source
All participants are Brooke Shielded
By the Wetness Protection Program
I need the dirt from deep beneath
the finger nails of Howl'N’Wolfe
Dig deeper for more Blues-Formation!
You can trust me. I am not a crook
(Maybe a kook)

This Blues-formation surfacing from
Underneath the Land Of Sky Blue Water
Just came in from:
Brown Trout Strikes Again?
(Or is it Hamms The Beer Refreshing)

Subject: [Blues-2-Don'ts (Keep Suffering with the Blues!)]
1/20/2006 09:52:55 AM
Date: , Sat 21, Jan 2006 09:52:58 -PST

http://www.blues.org/ibc/index.php4

This link above is a clue to the on going
Blues Soap Opera unfolding before our Eyes
Many Thanks to Brown Trout!
A real deep Blues Fan no doubt.

Here is a recap of the latest information
From DEEP BLUES THROAT
With Howl’n’Wolfe Blitzer for BNN
(Blues News Network)
Hello folks,
I am back in Seattle from Memphis
where the on going saga of:
The Randy Loafer Band with The SSBA
and their attempt to influence a hostile take
over and a leveraged buy out of the upcoming
2006 WBS Blues Awards.
I am currently going down on pier 69 at the
Seattle waterfront at an undisclosed phone booth
next to McDonald's where early this evening
we intercepted and recorded a message to Blues-2-Don’ts
from their undie-clothed and never under-covered news source.

From: Deep Blues Throat
Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2006 5:57 PM
To: Blues-2-Donts
Subject: The Randy Loafer Band/SSBA
Blues Junket/Jury Tampering
I.U.D.B.A VS. The WBS
The State of Washington / Dept. of Connection$
Blues Benefit Slush Fund Accounting Principles

Recorded Transcription:
PHONE RINGS**************

BLUES-2-DONTS:
"Hello Blue-2-Don'ts Ms. Wetmor here")))))))))))))))))

Deep Blues Throat:
"You're good. There is more to this story. As we all know, it was Loafer's fan club that started the SSBA because they needed a way to send him to Memphis after he lost for the SECOND time at the Cab’s Memphis competition. Wonder how the IBC feels about that? No competition to find the best band, just call yourself a blues society, elect a couple of people and send that band, man. Do they know this org [SSBA] does not have bylaws registered with the state of WA? Are they even a legit blues society, as required by the IBC rules? Again, where DID all that benefit money he raised go? Figure at least 3 benefits, 10 bucks a head, and he got a fair turn out each time. I'm pretty sure he put out a written online thank you after the Jazzbones panhandle, thanking everyone for their support and claiming that they made their goal of funds needed to go there and back. Maybe he is going to get one of those $200 Clinton haircuts before the Really Big Shew.....Wait a minute I am sensing something wrong here. I will call
you back! I've got to ru..."(Click).....................

Wait another call:
RING)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
BLUES – 2 – DONTS:
Hello who is this?

Deep Blues Throat:
"Slim Spincter wants to know who I am....ahhh yes.... kinda like the big John-Allen Briscoe mystery. You know, the "guy" who wrote fab rave reviews of Leanne Grimes and her Junkie in the Yard CDs, but really didn't want his name attached to the review, so's he wouldn't get run outta town with the band. Slim should be concentrating on hot stuff like who the body double is on Nicky's new CD cover."
I think the NSA guys are at the door.... gotta change disguises...Click

The Daily Drama continues on Desperate Blues Wives
See Previous Postings For Even More Shocking News!
Stay tuned for more disinformation

This Blues-2- Don’ts Pubic Service Announment
Has been a John Halderman & Slim Erlichman Production

NAME THAT BLUES PUSSY CONTEST

2006-01-17T22:55:00.000-08:00

BLUES - 2 - DON’TS
VOLUME XXVI
SEATTLE’S SEMI DYSFUNCTIONAL BLUES BLOG FOR
THE ANTI-SOCIAL PSYCHO-TELEPATHIC BLUES-A-HOLIC
1-17-06

WELCOME TO THE BLUES-2-DON'TS
1ST ANNUAL "NAME THAT BLUES PUSSY" CONTEST
DEPICTED IN THE PHOTO ABOVE IS THE MOST DANGEROUS!
FASHIONABLE FEMME FELINE FATALE BLUES SINGER
WEST OF MONROE, SOUTH OF MARYSVILLE
NORTH OF WHITE CENTER AND EAST OF
BAINBRIDGE ISLAND. AND ALL OF
THE WESTERN LEEWARD LESSER ANTILLIES ISLAND CHAIN
SAID MYSTERY PERSON WORKS FOR THE BLUES-2-DON’TS
AS MY OFFICIAL RESEARCH ASSISTANT
DOING EXHAUSTIVE UNDERCOVER INVESTIGATIONS
OF OUR UNNAMED UNDERCLOTHED NEWS SOURCES
INCLUDING MYSELF “THE BASS WITH OUT A FACE”
UNDER THE ASSUMED NAME of Ms. WETMORE
OTHER WISE OFFICIALLY KNOWN TO THOSE WHO KNOW HER AS
“THE CROWN ROYALE QUEEN SUPREME MADAME WETMORE”
MEDIUM TO BIG SIZED CITY (and occasionally a small town village) BLUES CHANTEUSE

CONTEST RULES
ALL LUCKY AND ADVENTUREOUS CONTESTANTS PLAYING
THE “NAME THAT BLUES PUSSY” CONTEST
GET TO POST A BLOG: TO PUT A HUMAN NAME,
MUSIC PERFORMER, CITY OFFICIAL, MOVIE ACTRESS,
BLUES SOCIETY MEMBER / OFFICER DISC JOCKEY / TV STAR
CLUB OWNER, WIFE, GIRLFRIEND, HUSBAND, LOVER ETC
TO THAT SURROGATE MYSTERY PUSSY PHOTO ABOVE.

THE CORRECT WINNING ANSWER WILL BE REVILIFIED
IN A FUTURE POSTING AND THE CONTESTANT’S POSTINGS
WILL BE TABULATED, HOMOGENIZED, MECHANICALLY
SEPERATED, EXTRACTED, FERMENTED AND EVALUATED
SCORNED, LAUGHED AT, VILIFIED, HARESSED, DIVORCED
SUED, EXILED, IMPRISONED AND OR EXONERATED
BY THE BLUES ACCOUNTING FIRM & CAMERA SHOP
OF DUDLEY, CHESNUT, ROLFE, HONEYWELL & HORN

THANK YOU AND HAVE A WONDERFUL
HARLEM NOCTURNAL E-MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
MORRIS LESS THE BLUES CAT

BLUES-BACK MOUNTAIN TEMPTATION ROAD

2006-01-15T13:50:00.000-08:00

BLUES-2-DON’TS
VOLUME + OR – 3 db
The Blues Blog for the
Lonely Sexually Frustrated
BLUES-A-HOLIC

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
DIFFERENT TO LISTEN TO
WHILE WEARING
YOUR HOT SWEATY BLACK
LEATHER CHAPS
GET THE HOT NEW
NICK VIGARINO CD
TEMPTATION ROAD!

CUMMING SOON! to your Hood
BLUES- BACK MOUNTAIN
Blues Dude Ranch Retreat
& Harmonica Work Shop
Located in PackWood, Montana
“Where Men are Harmonica Players
And the GOATS Are Nervous”

LEARN THE ANCIENT ROMAN-GRECO
TECHNIQUE OF BLOWING A HARMONICA…?

WORKSHOP SHOP FACILATED BY:
THE MYSTERIOUS STAGE JUMPING AND
MASKED HARMONICA MASTER HIMSELF
THE GREAT HOLDEN “ZERRO”
AKA HOLD'N' Z BLUESMAN
AND HIS BAR HOPPING FATHER "SGT. BARCIA"
AKA “THE HOT TOWEL ASSISTANT”

GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER
HARMONIC RESONANT SELF
BREATH RELAX
FIRST YOU SUCK
THEN YOU BLOW
THEN YOU……………
RECEIVE THE MARK OF ZERRO!
ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZ!!!!!
FREE MOUTH WASH PROVIDED

OR YOU CAN GET Nick Vigarino's
New CD: TEMPTATION ROAD
“***** thumbs up yours"
ERNIE & BERT
“THIS CD DOESN’T SUCK WIND
BUTT, IT DID BLOW ME AWAY"
ROBERT Z. PACKENWOOD
The Aurora Village People's Press
"HOLD ON TO YOUR DOODLE SACK,
DEALY BOB,BUMBO, COOYONS
AND YOUR LACE CURTAINS!
BADONKADONK! NICK'S NEW CD
IS A REAL BLUES BUZZ BOMB!
A NO HOLDS BARED DOLLY MOPPER!!"
MS. FUSTY LUGS
THE DAILY ABSPRITZEN
NEW AMSTERDAM, NEW YORK

Thank You and Good Night!
DR. “BLU-LITTLE” BILL D.V.M.

Very Little Bill / Chickens Have The Blues 2

2006-01-13T23:34:00.000-08:00

Little Bobby Solo and
The Tastes Like ChickenAires
"Live at the Club Sandwich"
Blues 2 Don'ts
Volume III
The P.M.S. Blog
Performance Music Schedule
For Hormonally Deficient Blues-a-holics

Greetings Music Livers! I am back on-line after a short
Hiatus with B.A.D. (Blues Affective Disorder)
ROCK-A-BILLY GRAHAM CRACKER

Up & Coming Blues Stars
Be on the Lookout for the
World's Smallest & Youngest
Blues Harmonica player
COMING SOON TO SEATTLE:
"VERY LITTLE BILL & THE HARMONICA CRY BABIES"

Very Little Bill an 18 month old
Harmonica virtuouso is
just coming out of Treatment
after an exhausting trouble
plagued tour of Sweden.
and a rough go at trying to
kick the bottle.
"Very Little Bill is the World's
Greatest and Most Dependable
Harmonica Player on the Scene"
Paul Green 2005 Award Winning
Washington Blues Society
“Best Harmonica Player”

SEEDY REVIEW ****1/2 Peeps
By Leonard Chicken Feather.
Lil' Bobby Solo and
The Tastes Like Chicken-Aires
"Live at the Club Sandwich"

Recorded live in Tyson, Arkansas
At: Admiral Hymen Rickover’s Nuclear Fried Chicken Shack

If Chicken is your thing, then The Chicken-Aires will probably
be the most cotton picking, finger licking, feather plucking,
Chicken pluckier item on your Southern Fried XXX-MAS
List this year.
Featuring Lil' Bobby Solo belting out
Greasy Blues tunes about Chicken.
My Favorites are:
"Fried Rice & Chicken, Hot & Greasy Like My GAL"
"Bartender! Give me a Chicken Soda with a Pork Back!"
"Baby you’re so Sweet and Your Mama is so Sour, That
I'm going to order some Chinese Food Tonight!”
In addition, a great cover of Elvis Presley's “Love me Chicken Tender.”

Available on Kentucky Fried Records
At fine Record Stores and Butcher shops nationwide

Order now and receive a two for one coupon:
From The Admiral!
For Some Nuclear Fried Chicken
With X-tra CrispToxic Sludge Fries
And an X-tra Large Heavy Coke
Sweetened with Cesium Chloride 257
When the Admiral says:
“We are Going to Super Size You”
You Had Better Believe It!